Always Be There

Painful Reminders

It's been weeks. . . This charade can't keep up much longer. She keeps reminding me that I can't tell anyone about her or something bad would happen. How is no one seeing she isn't normal? She's been overly friendly, both to them all and to me. Though she's just friendly to me as a cover up. I'm scared, to be honest.

I'm scared that if I don't keep away from her then either I or Casey are gonna get hurt. How have I caused this much stress to everyone, including myself? How did I manage to mess up this badly for my family's lives to be at risk? Even if they don't know it? What if she goes after the others because of me? They all saw what happened to me when I pissed her off, what's to say she won't do the same to them?

Every time she can manage to wriggle away from the others, she comes to find me. And every time, she manages to trigger some breakdown just by her presence. Perhaps she's right, I really am a pathetic excuse of a being. I used to handle my emotions so well, what happened? Why can't I anymore? I'm so confused, where did I go wrong?
. . . .
Oh. Right. That's where.

Maybe I should just leave them— maybe It would be better that way. Maybe they wouldn't mind having one less mouth to feed, one less person to worry about, one less idiot ruining something again. . .
Maybe, just maybe, I should let her take me. Maybe I should let her finish what she started, what's to say she won't anyway? She clearly wants to, and I would be giving her my full permission. I'm sure the others would be fine, anyways. . .

Right?

—————

Here Donnie was, locked in his lab again after another breakdown after an April visitation. Casey was going to pickup some pizza so he was going to be gone for a while, and the others would just brush him off or say he's being dramatic again. . .
He was curled up in the corner, ignoring the bursts of pain that came from his shell and neck as he pressed himself as close to the wall as possible. Maybe, if he tried hard enough, he could disappear into the flat surface. He knew that there was a less than 1% chance of that happening, though.

He allowed himself to cry, trying to pull himself together in the process. It was working surprisingly well. You just have to pretend. . Pretend for them— You don't want them to hate you more, do you? Hurry up and stop this pathetic crying already! He silently scolded himself. The heels of his hands were pressed against his eyes in attempts to stop the overflowing tears.
It worked, and his crying slowed a significant amount. Now he just had to stop his sniffling and clean his face and—

A knock was heard on the lab door. Shit.
Donnie quickly scrambled away from the corner, righting himself into a stand and wiping his face. "C- come in—" He rasped, wiping away the last of the droplets that remained.
Casey walked into the lab, a concerned look on his face. "Yo, you okay? You weren't out in the living room when I came to get ya."
"I- I'm f- fine." The turtle replied.
The boy wasn't convinced. "Alright what's wrong?"
"N- noth—"
"Don't say it's nothing, Gap tooth. I can tell something's up." Jones interrupted, gently guiding the terrapin to the rolling chair and sitting him down.
Donnie didn't look at Jones, trying not to admit what was really wrong. "I- it's fine, really. . Just- t another b- bad she- ell day—"
"Bullshit. Dude you know I'm not gonna get mad at whatever it is. Is it April? Is it something one of those guys said? Did you get overwhelmed?"
"Y- yeah. . I just g- got overwh- elmed— they were p- playing R- Rocket League and it was loud—" He easily lied.

Casey stared at the terrain for a few more seconds, unconvinced, before sighing and nodding. "Alright, just come text me or find me if this happens again. K?"
D nodded in response.
"Alright, do ya want me to stay here or do you wanna be left alone?"
"W- whatever y- ou want—"
The boy narrowed his eyes, then nodded again. "Aight, be right back. I'm gonna go get us some pizza real quick, left it on the counter and I don't want Mikey stealing it all again." He chuckled.
"Ok- kay." The purple-clad terrapin said.
Casey left.