IT ALL STARTED ON SET - Sadie Sink Female x female

emotions

EMOTIONS - part 32

your POV

i arrived home a hour ago, its right now 9pm.
i already packed out a few things, only clothes. i am about to go to shower and later sadie and i will meet. in like 2 hour. she is having 2 days off, and i only have a half because i have to go to work for 6pm tomorrow.
after tomorrow i will film at 4 in the morning. 4. bffr duffer brothers i wanna sleep. but thats nothing, because then i will film for straight 3 hours, a looong break and then i will continue filming at 5 to 9pm. but i am not complaining i love being an actress.

as i said i showered and texted grace and millie. i were texting with both of them till sadie arrived.
"ding-dong y/n, i think the doorbell was ringing for you." my dad yelled. it was 11pm but my dad was still up packing out or i dont even know.
"coming, i am coming."
"y/n!" sadie hugged me immediately. "i missed you so much."
"i missed you too." i mumbled into her shoulder.
"you are so pretty." i said as i kissed her.
"you two are so cute but its cold outside so please close the door."
"hey eric."
"so nice to see you sadie." my dad welcomed her as he hugged her.
"do you need anything? water? food?"
"nope, i am okay thanks."
"then come upstairs." i laughed.

we run up to my room and closed my door. "wanna watch some netflix?"
"with you? always."
"i missed your flirts." i laughed as i layed on her.

and we were making out.

we did nothing more, just kissing and touching. then we focused on a film.
it was so boring so i just scrolled through tiktok. it was much more interested. i am following some sadie sink fanpage and not gonna lie they are so cute and creative. some of them are actually shipping us.
i was laying on her, my head was on her chest. she was playing with my hair.
"sadie?"
"yes?"
"are you okay?"
"yes! why wouldnt i?"
"your heart beats faster then usual."
"you know my heart beating?"
"yes." i laughed. "but whats up?"
i sat up in her lap. she looks stressed.
"i love you so much, you know that right?" she sat up too.
oh?
"i love you too, so much. whats going on?"
"i dont know how to say it like i dont want this to be a weight on your shoulder right now," she was facing the bedding, she couldnt look in my eyes, i dont know why. "-but when we were doing the, when we were having sex-" she was hesitating. whats going on? "i uh..," its actually scary to watch her searching for her words with THIS MUCH of stress while she is talking about us having sex. help me.
she touched my thighs, didnt squeezed it or anything just put her hands on them. "i uh y/n, you are so beautiful."
oh. oh shit. shit. shit.
"sadie-"
"are they, are, uh?" she teared up.
i hugged her and she stared sobbing in my arms. i took a deep breath and looked at her.
"yes. they are, uh, uh you know." i didnt know how to say it. "cuts." i whispered, looking down like a baby trying not to cry.
"baby." she lifted my head up. she put a hand on my cheeks, she was tearing up too but still acted strong.
"they are healed sade."
"i know, but i am sorry that you had to go through all of this."
"was it triggering?"
"no, no! i dont have triggers like this okay? but why didnt you ever mentioned it?"
"i never knew how or when. i am sorry."
"no, please, y/n."
"i wont do it again."
"i love you." she kissed me and hugged me so tightly. it was so comforting. "more than anyone."
"i love you too, more than anyone." i repeated her.

we were just cuddling all night. i slept not well to be honest.
and i am not well.
all this 'i have to enjoy nyc so i have to eat' were stupid. i shouldnt force myself. i ate way too much. i literally hate myself, more then anytime.

next morning i woke up around 9am and i couldnt fall back to sleep so i just checked my phone.

[@]: oh my god save me i am so in love with sadie sink
[@]: give respect, she has a girlfriend
[@]: i am probably better than her
[@]: damn alr live your dream world
you dont even show yourself man bffr
[@]: not your business
[@]: i dont think that after this sadie ever wanna look at you
[@]: she wont knew about it lmao
[@]: your so fucking unrespectful for real

two sadie sink fanpage were fighting under sadies tiktok video. i got boths point, i mean sadie is hot as fuck but this girl was so annoying for real. and childish.
should i comment 'but i will' under the 'she wont knew about it?' or leave it.
leave it. i am better than that.

sadie wasnt up till 11am. i was bored to death. i drank 2 coffee, showered
and exercised in the bathroom. i have gained 2 kilograms while i wasnt home. i wanna be fucking dead.

around 12am we sat down to eat lunch. i could bearly eat, i felt like throwing up but also i was hungry.
"are you okay?" she asked. "you are not eating much. did you ate breakfast?"
"my belly hurts."
"what did you eat for breakfast? it might be because of that."
i stayed silent. coffee? i know thats not food.
"yoghurt."
"you lying."
"i am not."
"you are, i know you."
"then know me better." oh shit why did i even said that. " i didnt meant that, i am sorry. i didnt meant to say that, or even think about something like that."
she looked at me, she was about to say something but it was just a :
"its okay. if you excuse me." and she was about to walk away to the bathroom. "or not, ill pee when we are done eating, specifically when you."

i dont know why does everything so stressful around us right now. what happened.
"whats wrong?" i asked.
"what?"
"why are you acting like that, i am sorry for my tone."
"its not about that y/n."
"then what?"
"you looked straight in my eyes and lied. lied about something fucking important its not a joke y/n."
i couldnt say a word, she was right. "did you even slept anything?" she mumbled as she is sorry for me.
"yes, no. no."
"whats going on?"
"nothing, my belly hurts, i am tired. i will eat and sleep if thats okay?"
she looked at me with DEADLY eyes. "ok."
we ate but i left a bit from my food. nust the crusts. she peed and layed next to me, she cuddled me from behind and i just fell asleep.

____
omg drama