Peaked -Bellamy Blake¹

13

Remember when I said I really didn't want to get used to people dying? Yeah, that aged like milk.

Wells is dead. We found out this morning that he was stabbed to death during the night by the grounders. What a way to start my morning!

I hate that my emotions don't work right because I get so sarcastic when I'm sad too. It might seem like I'm making a mockery out of Wells' death but I'm actually devastated. That might not be the perfect word to use for that; I think that's reserved for the people that really knew him. People like Clarke, who had to lose him all while thinking he's the reason her dad's dead. She should at least know the truth. I haven't talked to her yet. I only found out recently.

I really liked Wells. He was good. He really was. He was also on the list of people I sort of trust out here which is not very long.

I really thought I was strong. That after my mom dying and my dad doing what he did all those years that I could take anything; that I was invincible. Coming to the ground has made me realize I'm not at all. Not by a long shot. None of us are. The truth is I'm scared to death.

I'm on my way to Wells' and the rest of the graves. I need to express to him...to all of them some how that I'm sorry they couldn't make it. None of us deserve to die, we'll most of us don't, one or two I could think of that do but that's besides the point.

I arrive at the graves to find Finn and Clarke standing there talking. Clarke's holding what I think is a pencil? And she's tearing up. "He let me hate him so that I wouldn't hate my mother. My mother killed my father." Is what I hear her say before she looks up and notices me, Finn turning his head. Does she know? How would she know? Did Wells tell her before he was killed? Finn's eyebrows crease. "Hey Asp, you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine." I get out. I look to Clarke with sad but confused eyes. Confused on how she knows. I'm kind of glad that she does. He shouldn't die with her hating him.

Before I can say anything else, Clarke also shoots a confused look, but she kind of looks a little angry. "Did you know?" She asks accusingly. I know what she's talking about. She knows I know what she's talking about or she would be asking me like this.

I pause slightly and swallow. "Yeah, I did." I confess. This causes Clarke to take an angry step twards me. "Why wouldn't you tell me? How could you go on knowing my mom got my dad killed and not tell me? If you two were so close I would've thought you could have at least had the decency to tell me. I hated Wells for so long and all you had to do was tell me." She says, the tears in her eyes still present as she walks even closer to me. I don't say anything back, this outburst has kind of struck me into silence. "How did you know? Why did you know?" She asks again with anger through her tears. When I'm silent again, she raises her voice and takes one more step towards me. "Answer me!"

Finn steps in, holding Clarke back a little to calm her down. "Clarke" he says quietly, trying to calm down her anger at me. Finn's always defended me, that's his small way of doing so.

"I'm sorry." I say. "I know it doesn't mean anything but I am. Wells made me promise, and I understood where he was coming from. You lost Jake, you didn't need to lose your mom too." I pause and her face softens a little with a slight bit of understanding. I continue, I owe her answers.

"I knew because I just figured it out. You didn't know about me. The only people that knew about what I was doing with Jake were him and your mom. It couldn't have been anyone other than her. I'm so sorry Clarke."