AN ODE TO YOUR DREAMS

( 十六 ) scarring boulders

scarring boulders.

EMOTIONS ARE UNCONTROLLABLE, FLEETING THINGS.

You see it in charcoal pupils pooled at the center of your two irises—expanding and shrinking from objects such as the light and the dark. The release of Oxytocin and Dopamine affect the size of your pupils, hence why they dilate at the sight of a person whom you hold attraction for. You like to think that emotions are the same in that aspect. There is a cause and effect as to why such occurs. Like Newton's Third Law of Motion—for every action in nature, there is an equal opposite reaction.

Although, emotions are much more difficult. It is not something that one can completely reign in with their two bare hands, because due to its abstract nature, it can spill through your fingers like running water. No. The process of feeling your emotions is like your two small pupils.  You can't command your pupils to change its size like flexing your fingers.

You can't control it, only affect it.

Let's say that you hold this strong fear towards spiders. Their eight, long spindly legs covered all over with black fur-like strands and dark beady eyes sends shivers through your spine at the mere image. If you were to be granted the knowledge regarding every single place in the world where spiders resided in, you would try to make sure to avoid all of these areas completely. It is a conscious choice brought about by your fear. You like to avoid that—the feeling of fear. This process is you consciously affecting your own emotions.

It's like purposely directing a flashlight right in front of your eyeball in order to see your pupil shrink in size.

But, what if the data you were provided didn't tell you that there is this one certain place that held a cluster of spiders? You walk into the place unknowingly, and as you wander deep into the area and corner yourself in by passing through a bunch of walls and doors, you catch a glimpse of a spider. You see one right in front of you. You look back and see another. You root yourself onto your place and slowly look around only to realize that you are now surrounded by clusters of spiders.

What do you do?

THE SOCCER FIELD BEGINS TO empty as the soccer club's players leave the vicinity, leaving only your classmate and yourself standing on the grass. For the umpteenth time, you are able to catch the Sun fall down slowly behind the buildings and the trees—it obscures the light slightly, causing shards of it to come through between each space, allowing you an image of its bright yellowish hue desperately escaping the darkness.

Itoshi Rin's back faces and you and you watch his shoulders lift and fall along with the rapid pumps of his heart. It almost looks like it's beating out of his chest. Sweat drips down from every area of his body, soaking his black polyester jersey which implies the amount of effort he had put into his training earlier.

With the way he is standing still and not leaving like his teammates already have, you know he's going to stay to train a bit more.

( You were dragged here, after all, so you already knew. )

"Aren't you tired or somethin'?" You call out from where you are. You move over to the side of the field where you are able to view his side profile and plop yourself down on the grass right beside his gym bag. "I'm getting tired just watching you, bruh."