AN ODE TO YOUR DREAMS

( an ode to a mother )

an ode to a mother.

Dear Mom,

Hey, Mom. Once you're reading this letter, I am probably already gone. But first of all, how are you? I hope that you're taking care of yourself. I may be gone, but that doesn't mean that you get to give up on yourself. Please. Drink your tea, eat Okonomiyaki, listen to Dolly Parton. I know these will make you feel a little bit better. I know that I've never been the greatest daughter, and you hearing ( or rather, seeing ) me say this must have come as a surprise to you. I know that you've lost a lot of people in your life, first being Dad and then me, so I know that this will be much harder for you.

Knowing you, you're probably blaming yourself. But I'd like to tell you that none of this is your fault. Dad leaving you right before he died was not your fault. He didn't leave because he got sick of you mourning over the closeness of his death and finding out that I'd be dying early when I was born was not your fault. He just happened to be a shit husband and an even more shit father. But even as I say this and you find yourself still blaming yourself, then here it is: I forgive you and I'm sorry as well.

I know that we didn't have the best relationship. You showered with all too much of your love that sometimes I felt like I was suffocating, and I was much too unenthusiastic about life to ever try to fix anything. It's not all on you. I was at fault too. I'm sorry. Because despite you being suffocating here and there, it still doesn't change the fact that you'd done that because you loved me, and I know you will even as I pass on, and I won't stop you from that. But, all I ask is for you to eventually move on.

Mourn me, and you can cry, but get back up eventually, please. I don't want you wasting your life away because of me. That's the last thing I'd ever want because it's the very thing I did. Don't spend your days doing nothing but think about possibilities. And once you get back up, maybe you can consider making friends. Itoshi Mara, Itoshi Rin's ( my friend ) mother has been wanting to meet you. I told her a bit about you and she's wanted to hang out with you. I think you guys would get along well with each other. She's a very nice and outgoing person. I hope you guys become the best of friends. I would like that a lot : ) I'll insert their address and her number in case you'd like to contact her.

Anyways, I won't make this too long. Just know that I'll be wherever I am that a person goes to after their death. Hey, maybe I've reincarnated into a cat. That would be nice. Or a sloth. I'd like that very much. If it was possible. If you find yourself sad, then come back to this letter anytime, but always find yourself looking up again. Just know that I'm always grateful and lucky to have you as a mother. I'd never ask for anyone else.

I love you very very very much.

Love,
(Last Name) (First Name)
Your prettiest and coolest child