The Great Big House of AEWSEXUALS (AEW One Shot Book)

We're Going To The Carnival! (Danhausen X Reader)

"Trust me, you're going to love it! It's going to be absolutely splendid! We'll go to the carnival! What do you think? Isn't it an amazing idea, one of my best? And I have tons and tons of great ideas!" Danhausen dramatically stated to you in that overly animated way that only he can, that you love so much.

You smile at him which makes him glow with excitement.

"Wonderful! I knew you'd love it. I mean, how couldn't you? It is a very nice idea. Of course, the outside world is very, very scary, so it's also very evil just like me! Okay, so here's what we shall do; we shall pack snacks and drinks. We will make sure that we have everything we need. I'm not giving those BASTARDS more of my human monnies than I have to.

"I know what you may be thinking, and no, bastards isn't a swear; it's the name of a type of person. You can ask that small fellow with those very big muscles. He scares me. You know, I don't think he likes me. I suggested he update his theme tune to MC Hammer and he didn't take too kindly to it. He threatened to use that hammer on me, to which I told him that isn't very nice. Of course, he then said that he would use it to knock out my teeth and wouldn't even give them to me for my collection and that's very, very evil. Anywho, where was I? Oh yes, I remember! Not giving out any more of my human monnies than I have to. I work very hard for my monnies. Tony Elite made me ALL ELITE you know! I am on A&W television every week because the fans love me, which is very nice, and I use their love to get even more human monnies from them and that makes me very EVIL!" He then laughs very evilly, which makes you laugh in return.

"What are you waiting for? We have places to go! Rides to ride! OHHHHHHH, and prizes to win! I am going to win one of those stupid rigged games and win you your favorite prize, making you fall in love with me even more. That will be very nice for me. Then we'll get married and you'll be stuck with me and that will be very evil for you! Now hurry. Go on now! Time waits for no man, not even manly men like me! Are you even listening to me? In a hurry now, let's go!"

You scramble to get everything you need as quickly as you can; but not fast enough for his excited liking.

"HURRY!" He shouts. "Fun times await!"

Finally, the bags are packed and you are ready to go. "To the PT Cruiser!" He exclaims.

Before you know it the car is loaded up and you are ready to go. During the many, many hours (or so it seems) on the road, Danhausen tells you just why The Simpsons is the greatest show of all time and how it's not as good (but still great) today, as well as ranking every single character. You look at the clock; it has only been four minutes.

What the fuck? You think to yourself.

"NO SWEARING! Not even in your mind! You'll get this story taken off the internet!"

A couple more fourth wall breaks and at least seven attempts to sneak into the carnival to avoid paying money later, Danhausen and yourself finally make it inside.

"Look at everything, isn't it glorious? We can ride that small roller coaster meant for children and we can test our fear of heights. Oh, and then we can go into the haunted house – oh, the horror of it all!" With his excitement and your desire to just spend time with him, before you knew it, you had finished riding every ride there, even the ones you couldn't fit on.

You check the time on your phone and only nine minutes have passed.

What the hell? This isn't even possible. You think to yourself.

"NO SWEARING! Don't make me keep warning you. We are having an amazing time here in this world made just for us!"

Finally, you decide to stop questioning everything and like he said, enjoy this world that was made for just the two of you. But wait, what does that mean? Oh well. You don't think much of it and just keep the day going with the person you love.

The time had come for Danhausen to try to win that prize that he promised you. He tried every game there, one by one, and he lost them all. But, he finally made an enemy with one game in particular; ring toss. This game angered him so badly that he almost started swearing, which, of course, is very out of character. You'd only seen him this way once before and that was when he promised to rank number one in the PWI, and, well... He didn't get it, and to say he didn't take it well would be an understatement.

Despite his anger, he kept trying and trying again.

"Fifteen mins until close," The carny running the game stated.

It couldn't be couldn't be, right? You look at the time and wow, he was right. It was 9:45, almost 10.

"One more shot! I got this!"

But sadly, he did not. One thing led to another. He shouted the guy's name that he, of course, mispronounced from reading from his name tag. And, in classic Danhausen fashion, he low blowed him and stole the prize.

The two of you don't even make it out of the park before you're both arrested.

Many hours later after being booked and processed, you are finally reunited. Danhausen springs into the jail cell very happily, not even thinking to himself that he was in jail on an assault charge. He doesn't care because he is with you.

He sits down with a big smile and his hand behind his back before revealing that he still has the prize. You begin to tear up at this adorable goofball that you love so much.

"Don't you love it?" He asks. "Why are you crying? I kept my promise that I won the rigged game. I thought it would make you love me forever."

You try to stop crying. "I do love you, you dumbass." You say.

"NO SWEARING! Oh wait, does this mean we're going to get married now? We can't get married in jail. I've ruined everything... Unless I can stop all of this and get us out of here. But, I couldn't. It's too evil, even for me! But, it's the only way... I have to do it. I have to get us taken off the internet and end this story so that we can try again.I have to say the worst possible word..."

Danhausen takes a deep breath before loudly yelling, "...FUCK!"

~ ~ ~

"Wait, so that's the end of the story?"

"I mean, yeah? It's perfect. He broke his only rule in the name of love."

"But we are already married here in real life? You know, they may call you the librarian, but you're certainly not the most reliable storyteller. You should probably stick to K-Pop fan fiction from now on instead of ones for your friends."

"I'll have you know that my 500 followers on Wattpad love my work!"

"Whatever you say, Leva. Now I gotta go."

"Fine"

"Fine back at yuh."

"Shhhhhhh," Leva shouted as she left, walking down the hallway as you returned to the love of your life.

"She was writing stories about us again, wasn't she? You don't have to tell me; I know it! She owes me all the human monnies! By the time I'm done with you, Leva, I shall finally have my blimp!"

Requested by CactusKindJack