The Muffin Man ✓

Harry and the Hooker

At the end of another long day, an exhausted and disappointed Harry was headed toward the car, ready to go home. He had to use Emma's car while his own was being repaired. That sucked, he thought. He really loved that car. He was going to make sure the bill went to the Sunnyville Police.

His phone rang. It was Emma.

"Hey, baby," she said. "Did you sell any muffins today?"

"Just two," Harry sulked. "The rest of our best customers saw us on Cops. Who knew that show was so popular?"

"I know, right."

"Anyway they're scared off," Harry said. "I didn't make squat."

"Seriously?" Emma sounded amazed. "Oh my God we aren't even going to make our usual quota, let alone that triple that A. wants."

"Tell me," he said. "This totally sucks."

Harry noticed a prostitute hovering nearby, smiling at him. He smiled back and continued talking with his wife.

"If we don't make something we're screwed." Emma was saying.

"No kidding," Harry said. "We need to sell something soon. I'll keep trying."

"Be careful, baby."

As soon as he hung up, Harry was approached by the hooker. She was a most unusual looking woman, he thought. She had big blond hair, too much blue eyeshadow, too much red lipstick and too much fake boobs.

"Hey, Daddy," the hooker said with a wink. "You looking for a good time?"

"Uh, no thank you."

"You sure? I can show you some sweet tricks."

Harry was edging toward his car. "I already have a wife for that, but thanks anyway." He opened the door and tossed the muffin basket in the front seat.

"Well then," the hooker said. "How about some of those good muffins of yours?"

Harry's ears perked up. "Muffins?"

"Sure, honey," She winked again. "I hear they're the best in Sunnyville."

Harry studied the prostitute. Although he had never seen her before, there was something familiar about her. "I don't think I know you."

"Sure you do, hon," she said. "I've seen you. Hot guys like you ain't hard to miss." She winked again.

Harry smiled. "I like your taste." He relaxed. She seemed safe. "I think I got something for you."

He leaned into his car. He looked through the muffin basket before pulling out a small plastic bag. When he turned to the hooker she tried to grab it but he snatched it back.

"Hold up," Harry said. "This ain't free. You got the cash?"

"Sure do, hon," the hooker reached into her top and pulled out some folded money. Ew, was that hair on her chest? No judgement, Harry thought. Maybe she needed some good hormone replacement therapy.

He took the money. As he handed her the bag he felt some cold metal around his wrists. "What the f--,"

"Harold Styles, you are under arrest!" the hooker crowed in a deep voice. "Gotcha!" She tore off her wig and threw it in Harry's face. "Boo yah!"

The prostitute was Detective Liam Payne.

Which explained why he looked familiar.

Liam danced around as the Sunnyville police cars pulled up with their sirens blaring.

Harry couldn't believe it. He got caught! Caught!

He had never been caught before.

Caught! Caught!

No! No no no!

Only idiots like Niall Horan got caught, not him!

Caught! Noooo!

"I gotcha!" Liam sang as he danced around Harry. With his bad makeup and women's clothes, it eas a truly ludicrous sight. "I gotcha gotcha gotcha!" He put his face in Harry's. "Boo yah! Whut whut!"

Harry was beyond freaked out. "Listen," he said. "It was a mistake--"

"Damn right it was!" Liam bellowed. "You tried to sell me some dope, you douchebag!"

A camera suddenly appeared in their faces, the lights nearly blinding them.

"Smile," Liam said. "You're on Cops!"

Niall was sitting at home in front of his new large flat screen TV, sipping a cold one while watching Cops.

"Hey, pumpkin," he called to Arie. "You'll never guess who's on Cops."

Wearing the latest designer clothes, Arie joined her husband on their brand new comfortable sofa and watched as Harry was being held by Detective Zayn while Detective Payne danced around in bad drag.

"I got him, I got him, I got him!" Liam sang. "I got your ass good!"

"Oh God!" Harry groaned. "You are the ugliest woman alive."

"Oh shut up!" Liam popped him upside the head. "What matters is that I finally got your ass and it's going up the creek without a paddle! So suck on that!"

Harry suddenly head butted Zayn, then kneed him in the groin.

"Ohhh, God." Zayn groaned as he fell to the ground, one on his head and the other down there. Still handcuffed, Harry tried to run away.

"Oh hell no!" Liam yelled. "Dammit! Get the taser!"

One of the cops tased Harry, causing him to fall flat on his face. "Owww!" Harry cried out. "Owwww!"

"Gimme that!" Liam snatched the taser and aimed it at Harry. "Tase that ass good!"

Harry's body jerked and flopped on the ground like a typical fish out of water. His tongue hung to the side while his eyes rolled back. "Urggh!"

"Hahaha," Niall laughed as he took another sip of beer. "That's so funny. Now that's good television."

"Better him than us." Arie said.

"True that."

Emma was also watching her husband on Cops. What an idiot. She couldn't believe they caught him. What the hell? She stared as they dragged a messed up Harry to the squad car.

"Emma!" Harry slurred into the camera. "I wub yewww." The cops pushed him into the car and slammed the door.

Emma shook her head. How did Harry let this happen? Was he catching stupidity from the Horans? She picked up the phone and called Louis.

"Sup, babe?" Louis asked when he picked up.

"Harry got pinched."

"I'm on it."

Then Emma made another call. "They got Harry."

"I'll take care of it." A. said.