my lover - Jude Bellingham

chapter twenty

I sat talking to my boss for a while.

'Well Ellie, I shall say one thing. Souls don't just meet on accident. You know that. If you love him, you have to speak to him. It won't get better unless you try,' he said.

I sat there looking at my fingers as i twiddled them round my thumb.

'I suppose I should try shouldn't I...' i said.

'Yes you should. If he means so much to you, you would have done it already, don't you think?' He said.

'Yes. Your right. I can't sit here and say I love him if I do nothing about it...' there was a long pause.

'What if he's moved on though?' I questioned.

'You won't know till' you find out,' he said.

'Your right i sh-,' I started, his phone rang.

'I have to take this,' he said.

'That's fine, i should go anyway,' i said, getting up.

'Okay thanks a lot ellie, I'll see you soon,' he said giving me a wave and picking up the phone.

I walked out and got into my car. I sat for a minute and thought about what my boss said. I couldn't come to terms with myself, should I go today? Or should I think some more.

I decided to go home and think.

When I walked into the main room, Erling and Gio were sat there.

'Ellie!' Erling said.

'Hey!' I said, putting my stuff down.

I sat with Gio and Erling, hoping neither of them would bring up Jude.

Later in the evening, we ordered a take away.

I sat watching the two of them play fifa whilst enjoying my pizza.

Gio got up to go the toilet and I played fifa with Erling.

'Ellie' Erling said.

'Yes?' I said, confused.

'Have you spoken to Jude recently,' he asked.

I sighed.

'No?' I said.

'Oh...right. How come?' He said.

'He's told you i presume but we're on a break,' i said.

He frowned.

'You should speak to him you know, sort things out,' he said.

Gio came back in.

'Speak to who?' He asked.

This was the last conversation I wanted to have tonight.

'Jude.' I said.

'Yea you should,' he said.

'Easy for you guys to say isn't it?' I said, getting up and storming out.

- Jude's pov -

My family and I were in the car on the way back from Jobe's game. We were driving through town.

'Can you drop me here mum I'll walk back,' i said.

She pulled over and I got out the car, it was cold and dark but I didn't care. I needed time to think.

I got out the car and walked to the nearest shop to grab something small to eat. I then took myself off to the park, the park where Ellie and I used to go.

I sat down on the exact bench we used to sit at and stared into the darkness in front of me.

- Ellie's pov -

I was in my room, crying as I scrolled through old pictures of us. I know I may seem dramatic but I've never been so upset over a boy. He wasn't just a boy, he was my soulmate. I knew he was. He was the only person who would bring out my real laugh, my real smile. The only person who I could trust with my darkest secrets, he was the only person whose arms I could cry in. He made me feel so safe, so happy, so appreciated.

I turned my phone off and wiped my tears away, I got up and threw a jumper on. I needed to go out, I needed time to think.

I put on my shoes and left. As I walked down the streets I had my AirPods blasting. The song
'What a time - Julia Michaels (ft. Nial Horan)' was playing.

The lyrics were so similar to how me and Jude were.

'I think of the night in the park, it was getting dark and we stayed up for hours. What a time, what a time, what a time.'

I walked to the park, i just wanted to be in a place I could feel like I was with him, which sounds silly because obviously I wasn't but it felt better.

As I walked round and came across our bench, I saw somebody sat on it.

Ugh. I thought. They looked up at me as I was walking closer.

The street lamp flickered on and I saw. I saw Jude.