BOOK 1 | ESOTERIC

Chapter 18

| CHAPTER XVIII |

"The Disturbance in Calm"

STELLAN

Nasa sasakyan ako kasama ni Eris. Wala pang nabasag ng katahimikan sa aming dalawa. We greeted each other but not the same thing as before. The thing is, this cold treatment we are giving to each other is unknown. Hindi naman kami galit sa isa't isa. On my side, I am not mad at her. Ewan ko lang siya sa akin.

I could not make a conversation with her. Mukhang wala rin siyang balak magsalita. Tingin ko nga ay kung hindi niya kailangan pumasok ay hindi siya lalabas ng kwarto. Ngunit hindi maaari. This is the day for her to review the new logo designs for their wine.

I only opened the door for her, lumabas siya at agad naglakad papalayo. Ni hindi man lang niya ako inantay. Hindi rin naman siya nagmamadali. Ako na rin mismo ang nagpaiwan. Wala naman akong gagawin sa loob. I am just gonna take my time here alone.

Halos hindi rin ako makatulog kagabi. I kept looking at the business card. Just a call and he will surely grant me a presence. That is what he promised me. But of course, he would still try kung talagang hectic ang kaniyang schedule.

I cannot go on like this either. Hindi pwedeng tatratuhin ko ng ganito si Eris due to my doubts. She might be hurting inside dahil sa ganitong insight ng mga tao sa kaniya. But who am I kidding? This is Eris. She does not feel anything when it comes to our opinion.

Pero...wala nga ba talaga?

I sighed. "She is hard..."

Hard in a way that I find it hard to understand her completely. Hindi siya yung taong wala lang pake sa mundo—sometimes she shows emotions too. She just hides it. As if it would kill her to show what she truly feels. As if it would make her weak. She wears a mask...like anger to hide what she really feels.

She is hard to explain. To describe. To understand. Hindi siya iyong taong simple lang ang karakter. There is something more...something deeper in her existence.

Am I ready to dig? Am I willing to swim up to the depths? Am I willing to go deeper? In the ocean, the deeper you go the darker and more suffocating it gets. Is Eris...like an ocean too?

"She is esoteric..." That could be the word. Hindi pwedeng walang nakakaintindi sa kaniya. Surely there's someone out there who understands her complexity. Like Dr. Le Claire, I presume? I wonder if he understands Eris? Not because he is protecting her or not because he believes in her does not mean he can fully understand her. Sometimes we just act out of instinct. Even I.

Sana nga lang hindi iyon ang kaso. That he believes in her because he trusts her not out of instinct. Dahil kung ganoon ay parehas lang kami and that is not what I need. I need someone who can convince me that I won't have to rely on my instincts. I hope he is certain and not blinded.

Hindi pa rin ako nakakapagdesisyon hanggang ngayon kung kakausapin ko ba siya. Surely someone like him is always busy. He is a surgeon.

I got inside the place and got welcomed by this serene and warm feeling. Ang kalmado ng lamig at ng tunog. May nadidinig din akong mga tunog ng takong—shows that this place is quiet. May mga naguusap din ngunit hindi gaaano kalakas.

Hindi na muna ako papasok sa opisina niya. Either wala siya roon at nasa meeting room o siya mismo pinuntahan ng mga product designers sa kaniyang opisina.

I stopped before this large portrait of Eris. Kahit dito ay walang kabuhay buhay ang kaniyang mga mata. Very dull. A never ending shallow of darkness.

She looks powerful here. Hindi lang dahil sa kaniyang suot at itsura but also the charisma this portrait is giving due to its size. It's massive that no one can ignore. Additionally, nakatingala ako para lamang makita siya. That just shows how different we are. Nasa taas siya at ako ay nasa baba.