Something like love || KSJ

𝐸𝓁𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 | 11

Waking up the next morning, I get up before y/n. 

When I look over, she's still sound asleep on the bed with her blankets pulled right up under her nose.

She had always slept this way and I always thought she looked like a peaceful little baby. She looked adorable.

My eyes trailed down the parts of her face I could see, studying them even though I knew every single inch like the back of my hand.  

My heart ached in my chest, realizing that all of this time, I had kept y/n so close in my life, not just because she is my friend but because she, and still to this day, is the love of my life. 

The day we decided to be just friends, it wasn't mutual like we've said. I went along with it because I knew it was what Y/n wanted but it wasn't what I wanted. 

I never wanted us to be just friends but, in the end, it was better than losing her altogether. 

All this time, I've pushed my feelings down so far and pretended I was happy just being friends. Pretending that every relationship she got into didn't kill me a little more each time. 

I've acted as if I was okay with all of this, and I wasn't. I've never been. I didn't show that to anyone and somehow, Namjoon saw right through me.

Now all of those feelings were coming to light again and I hated it. I've fought so hard to push them down, but I knew they'd never go away, no matter how hard I tried. 

Now she's with Jimin and she's happy. She's happy and I've lost any chance I had to fight for her. After all, she chose to be just friends so maybe she never actually felt the same way I did...

There was a tug in my chest at the thought. I didn't want to believe that. I couldn't. 

The sound of a throat clearing caught my attention, snapping my eyes in the direction of the sound and off of Y/n, who I had been staring at for way too long. 

Standing in Y/n's bedroom doorway, was Jimin. He had definitely saw me staring at Y/n. Fuck. 

"What are you-" But I was cut off as Jimin motioned me to the other room, not wanting to wake Y/n. 

I follow him out, shutting the door carefully. Once we're both safely in the living room, I clear my throat. 

"What are you doing here so early?" I ask, running a hand through my hair to fix my bedhead. 

"Well, I was going to surprise you guys with breakfast but she's not even awake yet." Jimin laughs as he wiggles the bag of food in his hand that I had just now noticed. 

"Oh, cool. Should we wake her?" I ask and Jimin shifts from one foot to the other as he looks over at me. 

"Maybe we should talk first." He speaks. I gulp. "About what?" 

Jimin watches me for a moment before he sighs. "Do you still have feelings for Y/n?" He asks and even though I knew it was coming, I wasn't prepared to answer this. 

"What? Of course not." I lie right through my teeth. There was no way in hell I was admitting that, especially to Jimin. 

"Are you sure? I've just had a feeling and wanted to be sure." He says, watching me closely. 

"Positive. I don't have any romantic feelings for her anymore, no worries. Not a chance in hell, no thanks. Never again." I bluff, scoffing slightly.      

Jimin's eyes shift from me to something behind me. I turn quickly to see what he's looking at and my stomach drops. 

Standing there is Y/n, her lips pursed. "Wow, tell him how you really feel." She says and she doesn't exactly sound happy. More offended than anything. 

Before I can say anything, Jimin does. "Good morning! I brought breakfast." He says, smiling as he walks to Y/n, pulling her in his arms and squeezing tightly. 

I felt sick to my stomach. I can't believe she heard me say that. I wanted more than anything to tell her I didn't mean It. Tell her that it was the opposite of how I felt, but I couldn't do that in front of Jimin. I couldn't do that period. 

"You're the best." Y/n says as she pulls back and places a kiss on Jimin's lips. I averted my eyes, not wanting to see it.      

When they pull back, Jimin smiles. "Well, I'll leave you two be. I just wanted to drop off some breakfast." Jimin says and Y/n is quick to invite Jimin to stay but he declines, stating he has to head off to his part time job. 

"I'll see you later then?" Y/n smiles and Jimin nods and confirms she will. With one last obnoxious kiss, and a wave to me, Jimin heads out. 

Silence fills the air once It's just Y/n and I again. Now it felt awkward and uncomfortable. 

As we sat down to eat, I broke the silence, not wanting Y/n to think for a second longer that I meant what I said. 

"I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it I just didn't want to make Jimin suspicious of me when he has no reason to be." I say and Y/n looks up at me and laughs slightly. 

"So, you do still have feelings for me?" She asks. My heart was screaming yes. Tell her yes. My brain was speaking for me. "Of course not."

Y/n laughs. "Good. I would hope not." My chest tightens as I purse my lips. "Yeah, that would be awful." I go along with her words.   

"Right. We're definitely better off as friends, don't you agree?" Y/n asks, laughing slightly. No, no we're not. Not at all. 

"Yeah, absolutely." 

My heart ached with every single word that came out of my mouth. 

"Exactly. You're right though, never again." Y/n laughs as she continues to eat her food, seeming to forget about the conversation as she got on her phone, right away texting who I could only assume was Jimin. 

Suddenly, my appetite was gone and just like that, the tiny shred of hope I had left, was too.