The Ghost Of You

Chapter Twenty One

Riley

I turned my back for a moment, a second even. He was right there when I turned to get Sienna in the car
He was right there and now he's gone 

"Riley!" James voice called as I sat on the edge of the car shaking vigorously. Sienna was safe in the car and I sat right next to her
They can't take her too
They shouldn't have been able to take Harrison 
This is what I wanted to avoid
This is what I was protecting them from

"Riley breathe, look at me" James said placing his hand into mine but I shook my head pushing away

They took him, if James had just left me in the past this wouldn't have happened 
Harrison would be with me
He would be safe

"Riley" James said taking a step towards me again, this time I looked up at him before charging towards him
He took a hold of me expecting a hug but that isn't what he was greeted with. I started hitting his chest while he tried to soothe me

"You should have left me behind" I cried continuing to hit him
"Harrison would be safe if you didn't chase me" I cried
"He wouldn't be with god knows who" I said hitting him more forcefully
"I know Riley, yell at me, scream at me, hit me. I deserve it" He said making me look up to him, that one sentence snapped me slightly back into reality 
This wasn't James' fault, this wasn't my fault. I know who's fault it was but I couldn't tell James

"I'm sorry" I said looking up at him, James nodded placing his forehead against mine
"Don't Ri" He whispered 
"He's gone James, he's really gone" I cried falling into his arms finally breaking down
"I know, I know. We're going to get him back I promise Riley" He said stroking my back

"I need him" I said quietly 
"I know you do" James continued to whisper
"Let's get you home" He said placing a soft kiss on the top of my head carrying my back to the car
Neither of us saying another word..

--

This room hasn't changed at all in the 5 years I'd gone. James had brought Sienna and I over to his parents house, I don't know why but here we are
Sienna was downstairs with James, Piper and his parents but I had excused myself a while ago. I couldn't sit down there any play happy family while Harrison isn't there

I barely even looked at James' parents when I got here, I headed straight up here knowing that I can't do the whole welcome home greeting right now..

 James' room was just how I remembered it growing up, right down to the small rip in the wallpaper that he signed our names under before attempting to hide it from his mum
But she knew
Deborah always knew everything

"Riley honey?" Deborah's voice said knocking on the door, she opened it slightly taking a look at me as I sat on the edge of James' old bed looking at her
"Hey" She said softly
"Can I come in?" She asked making me nod
This was her house, I couldn't tell here where she could and couldn't go.. 

Deborah had always been like a mother to me. Sometimes more then my own, coming to this house used to always be my safe place
The one place in this world I knew I could always turn to no matter what the relationship between James and I was.
This entire family were my family.. 

"I've missed you sweetheart" She said, there was a heart wrenching tone to her voice. One I think I could match if I tried
"I never wanted to believe you were gone but he had us all fooled" She whispered
"You've done so well for yourself Riley. We couldn't have been prouder of you, you have two beautiful babies, you're healthy, so are they" She said making my breath hitch at the additional thought of Harrison 

"He's gone" I whispered turning to look at her, she shook her head taking a hold of my shoulders pulling me against her
"We're going to find him, we are going to bring him back. The boys are already working on it" She confessed but I shook my head

This was all my fault, I shouldn't have let my guard down. I shouldn't have let James close enough to meet them. When I found out he had found me I should have ran then 
I shouldn't have given him the chance to make a difference

"A mother's first instinct is to zone out, to shut down the moment they are away from their babies. I understand, I really do but you know that Harrison would want you to not let that happen" She whispered

She was right, but he shouldn't be in this position.. 

The kids have always been my priority and for 5 years nothing happened to them, they were both safe, they both had no idea about the world I had left behind 
They were oblivious but in the best possible way
But one moment of weakness and now Harrison is gone

I want to believe we'll get him back but is Paul can make me disappear for 5 years, god knows what he'll be able to do with my son

"You're strong Riley and I don't doubt that you've passed that over to Harrison. He's a fighter and from what James has told us about him, he'll do everything he can to protect him. He won't let anything hurt you" She said making me cry as she pulled me into one of her famous hugs
"But this hurts. Him not being here hurts" i cried
"I know honey, I know. That's why I know that little boy of yours is fighting to get back to you. He'll be giving them hell till they let him go" She said trying to paint this perfect picture of Harrison 

She wasn't wrong there. If Harrison is anything like James, he'll be fighting back, biting back. He'll kick, he'll scream he won't let them get away with this easily

There isn't much I'm sure of in this life anymore.. But who my kids are is the one thing that will never faulter