The Fight for Chief

Chapter 8

Unpredictability

"So, did you just end the friendship? Just like that?" Izzie asked as her, Meredith and Alex stood at the nurse's station, observing Derek in the conference room.

"Well, what was I supposed to do? I'm not putting a man before my career" Meredith argued. Izzie shrugged her shoulders, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with her. "It was the happiest we'd seen McDreary in months" Alex commented. "What do you mean?" Izzie asked. He laughed a little. "Shep was my attending in my final year of residency. He'd teach residents lectures, throw out candy, and give incentives in the OR to study like letting us lead the surgery if we knew the entire procedure all the way through. He was a decent guy" Alex said.

"What happened?" Izzie asked. Meredith and Alex exchanged a glance. "He divorced his pregnant wife, Dr Montgomery, and he just came in one day and was the attending from hell. It's been like that since" Alex shrugged. Izzie gasped in disbelief. "Okay, maybe he does deserve you dropping him" Izzie commented as she sipped her coffee.

Meredith played with the stack of papers. "That's not what happened" she mumbled before grabbing her charts and walking away.

As she walked down the hall, she passed Derek who only glared at her. Her heart sank a little. She really didn't mean to hurt him.

"Mer! Wait up!" she heard Izzie call after her. Meredith slipped into the attending's lounge and sat on the sofa. "Is everything okay?" Izzie asked when she notice her friend looked like she wanted to cry. "Why does hating him hurt so much?" she asked as tears pricked her eyes, looking to her friend for help.

What she couldn't tell Izzie was just how close she felt to Derek. How he'd told her his story and how coffee's in the morning just seemed better when he was around. There was no explaining the immediate attraction for him, and she couldn't explain why hurting him hurt her so much.

"Woah okay, I've never seen you cry over a guy," Izzie said in shock as she sat next to Meredith, pulling her into a hug. "I barely know him, Iz!" she exclaimed. "Okay, that's okay" she reassured her. "I'm not a feelings type of girl!" she snapped. Izzie laughed under her breath.

"But maybe you are, you just hadn't met him yet" Izzie said quietly. Meredith groaned. "I'm a neurosurgeon, a successful doctor, a published medic. I don't need a man. I am the sun" Meredith tried to reaffirm herself.

"Is what you're trying to tell me that you've fallen completely in love with Derek Shepherd in the space of a week?" Izzie asked. Meredith groaned. "I think so"

Their conversation was interrupted by the door opening where Meredith met Derek's eyes. She quickly wiped her tears and straightened herself out. "I'm gonna go" Izzie quickly jumped up. "No- Iz-" Meredith groaned but she was already gone.

Meredith climbed off the sofa and made her way to the kitchen area where Derek was standing. "Hey" she said quietly. He glanced at her as he made his coffee. "Hey" he mumbled. "You okay?" He asked, not forgetting the tears he'd seen in her eyes.

"Yeah" she quickly smiled. "Derek, look-" she sighed. "I'm really sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it" she said quietly. Derek just continued to make his coffee. "It's fine, really." he said bluntly. "No, no it's not. I had no business commenting on your marriage" she continued to explain. "Ex-marriage" he corrected her.

"Right, well either way I was wrong. And I'm so sorry. And I'd like to give this another go" she sighed. He didn't show much emotion as he turned to her. "I don't know if I can trust you" Derek said. "Of course you can trust me" Meredith said confused. "I don't know if I can. We've been nothing but mixed messages since we met, but I didn't think you'd throw my failed marriage in my face. If we were to try again, how do I know you wouldn't do that again? What reason do I have to trust you?" he asked genuinely.

Meredith sighed, once again he was right. "You're right. But I could earn your trust back, prove to you that I am a good friend? I don't have many, but I can be a good one. I want to be a good friend to you, Derek." she said as she played with her fingers. Derek sighed. "Okay, fine. I don't trust you but I'm going to try, because you're the only one I've- nevermind- let's just try this again"

Meredith smiled but he couldn't reciprocate it. He was angry, she knew he had every right to be, but he'd given her a chance to redeem herself. She could be a brilliant surgeon and a good friend, she just need to let go of what she'd been told all her life.

Derek had left the room without another word, but as she looked away from the door, she noticed he made her a coffee too. She smiled to herself. This man and his coffee.

"So, how did that go? Did you tell him you love him?" Izzie ran into the room excitedly. Meredith rolled her eyes. "Iz, I don't love him" she argued. "You might not be in love right now, but it was love at first sight, right?" Izzie laughed. Meredith just rolled her eyes as she sat on the countertop. "He's giving me a chance to make it up to him. But I think for now we're better as just colleagues" she said casually as she sipped her coffee. "We'll see about that"

After chatting with Izzie and Alex for a while, her shift was coming to an end, but tonight she decided to stay late at the hospital to get her presentation done, knowing her sister was going to be in town for the next few weeks. She engrossed herself in her work, needing a break from the events of her first week back in Seattle.

She looked at the clock once she finished her work, realising that it was almost midnight. As she loaded her papers and laptop into her bag, she was startled by a knock on the window of the conference room.

"Come in" she called. Placing her bag and jacket on the table, she looked up to see one of the interns standing in the doorway. Their expression was fearful and frightened like they'd seen a ghost.

"Dr Wilson, is everything alright?" Meredith frowned. She'd worked with Dr Wilson yesterday and shed proven to be a promising surgeon; quiet, but confident in her knowledge. She reminded Meredith of her younger sister; bubbly, compassionate and cheery.

The young intern stood there for a moment, stumbling over syllables, unable to get the words out. "Wilson," Meredith said a little firmer, not mean, gentle, but direct. It was then that she noticed the slight tremor in her body as she crossed the lapels of her labcoat across her body.

"I-" she stuttered. "I don't really know why I'm coming to you. B-but you seem nice- a-and-" she continues to ramble. Meredith sighed as she relaxed her composure, wanting to help the young surgeon the best she could. She remembers being an intern all too well; the loneliness, the inability to process hard cases, the exhaustion. Meredith was understanding of that; no surgeon has ever had it easy.

"Is everything okay, Jo?" Meredith asked, smiling small. Jo stepped into the room, close to the desk, and she began tapping her fingers nervously. Meredith smiled at her warmly once more, hoping to coax a response.

"I-" she stumbled again. "Something happened today, in the OR,  with Dr Shepherd. And I don't know what to do or how to handle it"

There was a sudden pit in Meredith's stomach as she watched the intern on the brink of tears. Her mind prepared herself for every scenario she might throw at her. There was an uncontrollable anger burning inside her, at Derek, and she hadn't even heard the story yet. One thing she had learnt this week was that Derek Shepherd was unpredictable.

"Come and sit down, and tell me what happened"