Full Moon Fling *Unedited*

Memories Mean I'm Human - Crusher's Chapter

Okay, this is all Crusher in this chapter - don't read it if you don't like him, but it isn't really Crusher...this is more of the nice side of him, Jack Emmory.  Enjoy it if you choose to read it!

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Alba.  She runs through my mind as I run through the woods.  Her scent still fills my nose, making my head swim as I push my legs faster.  Pain means I’m alive.  Pain means I can still feel.

Jack, slow down, Chad pants as he struggles to keep up with me.  I push harder; every twist and turn throwing new scents at my nose, new earth under my paws, new sounds for my ears.  The smell of Alba blood, the feel of her skin tearing against mine, the sound of her screaming my name.

You’ll hurt yourself, Jack, Gallagher tells me flatly, his voice distant as he takes his crazy sister back to that island.

None of them care.  Not really.  They’re scared of me.

Not me…scared of him.  Claw Crusher.  The small voice starts to come back.  Alba always brings out the voice.  I start to slow; past trying to control the shift in my mind, in my personality.

You can’t fight who you are.

Sometimes that’s a good thing.

I slow down as I run, feeling the calmness sweep over me.  Jack Emmory has landed.

I feel myself shift and groan; there isn’t anywhere near here I can take clothes from.  Chad drops the jeans he has held in his mouth at my feet and I blink at him.

You need them more than I do, Jack, he smirks before sprinting off, disappearing into the dark.  I pull the jeans on, ignoring the fact Chad’s a few inches taller than me, and walk into the light as I stretch upwards.  It feels good to be in control of my own body, to be able to think like a human.  To remember the good months with Alba after she moved in with me.

She was so beautiful; her short hair an inky blue and her green eyes set bright against the pure whiteness of her skin.  Purity.  Alba made me something better – just being around her made me saner, more stable.

Happier.

She’d smile when she saw me in the mornings, play with my hair and tell me how long it was getting – she used to joke that I’d trip over it when I shifted.

The nights before full moons with Alba when she loved me…they were the best nights of my life.  She’d know exactly what to do to soothe my wolf, to keep him from going crazy.  Alba stopped me from going into self destruct.  She saved my life and she never even knew it.  She still doesn't.

 I rake my hand through my hair as I walk barefoot and shirtless through the street, listening to the sounds of Scotlandafter dark.  Alba Mirae Fife deserves a god; a man who knows how to make her laugh with shadow puppets, how not to say anything when she cries because it humiliates her, when not to make a move on her and when to kiss her.

She deserves who I used to be.

She used to love me; tell me I was the moonlight in the pitch black sky of her life, illuminating everything.  Nevertheless, I loved her more than she could ever love me.  She listened when I spoke, stroked the hair away from my face if it fell in front of my eyes, but the most amazing thing about her was the way she never judged.  Never threw my past in my face.  Not even in the screaming fights she would have with him did she throw back my past.

She had every right to; he always brought her past up.  Tore her to shreds with memories before smacking her around like a rag-doll.

I stare at my hands as I walk.  These hands have run lightly up the insides of her thighs.  The same thighs they slapped so hard the bone cracked.  Alba’s bones always made a cracking noise with him.  I was the one who had to live with the fact I had hit her, broken her bones and left dark purple stains against the purity of her skin.  Alba healed from her wounds physically, as did I; but mentally it ruined us both.