SMALL DOSES || JIKOOK✅

25

JIMIN POV

I leaned against the sink, holding my breath, knowing I had to do something... anything to make the sudden ache in my chest disappear before I went crazy.

When I heard the door to my apartment click shut, I knew it was too late.

I'd blown it.

Big time.

Shit.

Not a single experience, thought or feeling came even close to what I had with and for him
and yet I was standing in the bathroom, alone, because I couldn't handle the prospect
of having him by my side.

Never in my life had I felt so connected to another person before, only to treat it as though it were no big deal, instead of embracing it like any other sane person would.

Never had I regretted my
actions so much, felt so lost after experiencing the ultimate high only to have it snatched away like some cruel joke.

The high of being with him.

What the fuck had I done?

I was still reeling from the aftermath, it was true.

But instead of taking a chance and telling him how I felt, maybe invite him to take a shower with me and see what happened next, I did what I'd always done.

Shut him out.

Rejected him before I got hurt, and in turn, set myself up to continue living by the same stupid rules I'd always followed.

The ones set up to protect my heart so there was no possible way the thing I feared most could happen.

But it did anyway, didn't it?

Even before I was moving inside him, I knew the truth but instead of acknowledging that, I chose
to ignore all the warning signs.

And now, I was paying the price for my act of stupidity.

Punching the door once, then twice, I turned on the shower and stepped under the spray, shivering as I waited for the water to heat up.

Leaning forward and pressing my palms against the tile, I closed my eyes and dipped my head under the warming water but it did nothing to soothe the ache, which had radiated outward and spread throughout my body.

Anger threatened to spill free over everything I'd been trying to avoid ever since the day I came out.

The pain.

The hurt.

The anguish.

Protecting my heart from the likes of Jeon Jungkook, I realized, had been an exercise
in futility.

From the moment we'd met,
he'd gotten to me like no other.

It wasn't about how attractive
he was, either.

I'd told him about my parents and their divorce, baring my
soul for the first time without
a second thought.

Every detail of what we'd done bled through my soul like a virus.

When he danced for me, how he kissed, licked and sucked me, and then took me inside his gorgeous body had made me come alive for the first time.

And it scared the living hell
out of me.

"Fuck you, asshole," I declared
in a quiet, broken voice.

Resting my head on my
forearm, I closed my eyes.

The frustration of not knowing how to deal with the situation
felt like I was conceding defeat.

Admitting I'd been wrong
about everything I'd always
been so certain about.