WOSO Imagines 2.0

Moving on.. (Leah Williamson)

This one shot contains angst, a breakup + heartache and will (as much as I would love for it to have one) not really have a happy ending.

Moving on: to go on to a different place, activity, subject, etc.

After a relationship, that means not thinking of your ex with anger, resentment or hatred. It means not spending hours looking at their social media activity, or trying to find who they're with now. It means not making it your life's mission to avoid them, or to 'accidentally' bump into them.

It doesn't mean finding a new partner after 2 weeks just to try to forget your last one. It doesn't mean partying all the time just to forget everything for while. It doesn't mean bottling up your emotions until you have a breakdown. 

Moving on isn't easy, nobody said it was. Moving on is going to be a rollercoaster of emotions. It's going to contain tears, laughs, many snacks, the help of friends and family, music and certainly one or another sleepless night. But it's all going to be worth it at the end, even if you can't see it at the beginning. 

***

There was 'before her' and there was 'during her'. For some reason, I never thought that there was going to be an 'after her'. 

Leah and I were the dream couple at Arsenal. Were. Leah broke up with me 8 months ago. She told me that she had begun to develop feelings for someone else and didn't want to hurt me by staying in this relationship without loving me like I deserved it. I don't know how she thought I'd react. I have no idea if she thought breaking up with me after almost 3 years would hurt less if she had an explanation. Well it didn't. It hurt like hell and I could've sworn I felt my heart shatter in a million pieces. That same day she left our apartment to 'give me some space'. I didn't want space, I didn't want time to cope, all I wanted was her. I wanted her to hold me, to come back and tell me she was lying, to kiss the tip of my nose like she always did but she didn't. Of course she didn't. So I sat on our-. No, on my bed and stared at the wall in front of me. It was fully covered with polaroid pictures. Each one of those pictures held a happy memory of us. And it was then that I realized that we were never going to add more from now on. The first tear made its way down my cheek. Quickly, a second one followed. And a third, a fourth and soon I couldn't stop crying. I just sat there and broke out in silent sobs. I don't even now when I fell asleep but I did at some point. The next day I woke up and immediately turned to my right, expecting to see Leah lying there but all I could see was an empty and cold mattress. I stood up, not accepting that yesterday really happened. "Leah?" I shouted. No response. Obviously I didn't get a response, she wasn't here anymore. I didn't have the energy to stand and just broke down on the floor. I remember lying right there, tears flooding my vision and rolling down my face. 

Then I heard someone opening the door. Every part of me hoped that it was Leah coming back to apologize but it wasn't. "Oh god y/n! Are you hurt?!" Someone rushed to my side and leaned over me. That's when I recognized Beth's face. "y/n?! Hey answer me, please!" My answer was a silent sob. "Oh thank god! I thought you hurt yourself! What are you doing on the floor then, get up come on." She stretched out her hand but I didn't take it. I couldn't really move my body, it was like Leah took my entire energy with her. "Hey? Are you okay?" She looked at me again and noticed my tearstained face. "y/n! What happened? Why are you lying on the floor crying? And where for god's sake is Leah?" The moment that she mentioned her, I began crying again. Her expression instantly changed and I knew that she knew. She took my arm and helped me to sit up. "Did she..?" I nodded, not being able to form words right now. "Oh no y/n. I'm so incredibly sorry. Do you need anything? Can I do anything to make you feel better?" I looked at her with red, puffy eyes and opened my arms, signaling her I wanted a hug. She leaned down and hugged me tight. We stayed like that for a long time, neither of us wanting to let go. "Ok, I'm gonna propose something and you're just going to nod or shake your head if you want to do it ok?" I nodded slightly, still enjoying the comfort my best friend gave me. "Movies and popcorn?" I thought about it for a few seconds and nodded. Some movies could maybe be a good distraction.