Well, the Normans conquered England in the year 1066, back when dentists weren't a thing and everyone had fleas and ticks. To commemorate the battle and their courage in the fight The Normans made the Bayeux Tapestry whose tale I'll now recite!
Oh, King Edward, he was this guy! He was Ruler, King and Czar but the apples from his family tree had fallen pretty far. When he passed away those leeches didn't even wait a day they all went in for the scepter like a Vegas Night Buffet! This guy Harold Earl of Wessex, who was rocking this goatee put his hand up high and swore, "Edward gave England to me!"So he had the Archie Bishop go ahead and crown him King but our hero said no thanks to kissing Harold's stupid ring!
William of Normandy, on France's Shore Duke since the age of twelve and hungry for more, he made a claim upon the throne flakier than a croissant so his name would live forever in this fun and nifty font! Now with Harold the usurper Will was wondering how to cope, then he noticed Halley's Comet and thought "That looks pretty dope! It's the Universe commanding me to make all England mine, so I'll bring some boats and horses and a jug or two of wine!"
GOOD OLD WILLY HAD AN ARMY, WAS AT LEAST TEN-THOUSAND STRONG THEY MARCHED EVERY DAY IN CHAINMAIL MORE ANNOYING THAN A THONG YES, THEIR THIGHS WERE REALLY CHAFING, AND THEIR HELMETS FAR TOO TIGHT MAYBE THAT'S WHY AFTER HASTINGS THEY TORCHED EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BATTLE, THINGS WERE GOING DOWN THE DRAIN
CAUSE THE NORMANS HEARD A NASTY RUMOR THAT THEIR DUKE WAS SLAIN
SO THEN WILLY TOOK HIS HELMET OFF TO SHOW HE WAS ALIVE
AND THE REST IS TL;DR BUT THE GIST IS HAROLD DIED
WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR, HE STOLE OUR HEARTS, BURNED DOWN OUR HOUSES AND OUR HORSES AND OUR CARTS! WITH HIS BROTHERS BOB AND ODO HE HAD SAILED ACROSS THE SEA SURE HE KILLED A LOT OF PEOPLE BUT THAT'S ANCIENT HISTORY!
WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR, HE WAS SO NEAT WHEN ENEMIES MOCKED HIM, HE CUT OFF THEIR FEET! HE'S PROBABLY GETTING TORTURED DOWN IN HADES BY SOME GHOUL BUT HE'S RELATED TO ELIZABETH, THAT'S WHY WE THINK HE'S COOL
NOW THAT'S A CRASH COURSE IN THE TAPESTRY YOU'LL NEVER LEARN IN SCHOOL!
you're welcome :)
