Firefight outside the Blue Base.
Church: Okay, Tucker, I need you to get up there, help Caboose shore up the defense, establish a suppressing fire, and hold that position until further notice.
Tucker: I didn't even know what half of that meant.
Church: Just go over to Caboose's rock, and fire your gun a bunch.
Tucker: That rock? Yeah, I don't think so.
Church: We do not have time to discuss this.
Tucker: Sure, no time for you to discuss it. You get to hang out here with Nancy No-Bullets shootin' the breeze. Meanwhile, I'm out there, running around, eating a machine gun sandwich.
Church: Tucker, we're gonna give you covering fire.
Tucker: Covering fire? Unless that means you're gonna build a huge, bullet-proof wall between me and them, I think you need to come up with a new plan. Preferably one that involves me keeping the same quantity of blood that I have right now.
Church: No problem. Oh wait wait, does the blood have to be in your body?
Cut to Grif and Simmons Mateo firing their respective machine guns at the Blues.
Grif: Simmmonns... I-I can'tt ffeeel my handdds.
Simmons: Maybe you should lay off the trigger, you dumbass.
Mateo: Who taught you how to shoot a rifle?
Grif: Myself of course.
Mateo: Oh really, what type of training with guns?
Grif: Oh, you know the ones that are filled with plastic darts, and they can sometimes stick to the wall.
Mateo: ...That's a nerf gun you retard. Did you ever do any type of training with a real gun in your life?
Grif: Uh... Do video games count?
Mateo: NO!
Cut to the Blue Team.
Church: Alright you, Doc, get over there and help Caboose!
DuFresne: My name isn't Doc, it's DuFresne.
Church: Yeah. I can't pronounce that, so from now on, your name is Doc.
DuFresne: I'm not really comfortable with that. I'm not a doctor, I'm a medic.
Tucker: What's the difference?
DuFresne: Well, a doctor cures people. A medic just makes them more comfortable.. while they die.
Tucker: Mental note: don't ever get shot.
Church: It's settled then. Your name is now Doc.
Doc: Alright, but I don't think it'll stick.
YOU ARE READING
Why Am I Here? (Red Vs Blue)
FanfictieAn 18 year old signs up for military service, and gets shipped off to somewhere he's never been or heard of before. A hot canyon with a bunch of idiots inside. RvB is owned by RoosterTeeth Halo is owned by Halo Studios
