Lilium canadense

Chapter 4: Unwanted Memories

When the sun rose, I felt my head pounding as my skin constricted against my bones. Sitting up I ran my fingers through my hair. Groaning, I absorbed the water around me. Getting some life back into me, sighing I fell back down onto my bed, pulling my knees to my chest and tucked my head between my knees, tears leaked down my cheeks, falling back asleep I was brought back to my first day of my junior year of high school. Rue was standing next to me, their hair was in a short pixie and was dressed in all masc clothes. We walked hand in hand like we did every year on the first day, we've always been attached at the hip.

" Are you ready?" They asked me and I nodded as we walked through the gates, ignoring the precautionary barbed wire. We walked up the path and threw the doors, we looked for our classes before I got shoved to the ground.

" Fuck! I'm sorry? Are you okay?" A male asked me reaching out a hand, looking at the tan skin I shoved it away, then jumped to my feet.

" Watch where you're going asshat." I snapped and I heard his gaggle of friends laugh behind him.

" Sorry Princess, I was trying to be nice." He said, giving me a smirk and I rolled my eyes at him.

" Don't call me that." I snapped then turned on my heels, then curled my finger making him slip and fall onto his back, a gasp echoing in the halls.

" Nix!" Rue quietly exclaimed as we walked away smacking my arm.

" What?" I asked innocently.

" You know what, nevermind!" They muttered, shaking their head, making me giggle at them as we continued our journey to our class. Then it faded to black again, when color filled my dreams again I was on the bleachers, standing next to Rue again we were watching a football game. Marcus was the quarterback, and Sol was there too, I don't remember what position he played but I could feel the rain falling and me struggling to stay at an appropriate height.

" Go Marcus! Go!" Rue and I screamed happily watching as the players ran up and down the field then the whistle blew, we were all running onto the field. Rue was leaping into Marcus's arms and I was laughing watching them in their moment, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

" Yes Sol?" I asked, feeling the electric shock of his touch.

" I didn't know you liked football. I would've asked you to wear my jersey." He said and I smirked facing him.

" Why would I do that? We aren't even a thing." I pointed out and he chuckled.

" I can change that." He said and I rolled my eyes.

" Sol, I don't know if it's cuz you're stupid or cuz you've been hit in the head too many times, but if you can't tell I don't like you very much." I told him, crossing my arms over my chest glaring at him.

" One date, that's all I ask, who knows, I might be able to change your mind." Sol told me getting real close to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. " So... What do you think?"

" Why should I?" I asked, Rue and Marcus watching us from afar.

" I'll make it worth your while..." He whispered in my ear, I gave a small smirk and I saw Rue's jaw drop.

" Fine... One date." I told him.

" Alright sunshine, I'll be picking you up tonight." He muttered then kissed right behind my neck making steam come off my cheeks, he chuckled then walked away, that is when Rue and Marcus walked up to me.

" What the fuck?" Rue asked, still in shock.

" I agree, out of the whole school you chose Sol?!" Marcus commented on looking between myself and Rue.

" What can I say, I like the taste of caramel." I said smirking and Rue buckled over laughing.

" I knew it! You're just a horny bitch!" Rue laughed out, punching me in the shoulder.

" Shut up! That's only part of the reason." I muttered and they chuckled then the three of us walked off the field and once again my world faded to black, but this time I was jolted awake, my head a dull pounding, stumbling out of my bed I practically drug myself to the kitchen to rest a hand in my sink. Drooping my head down as I felt the water go back into my skin. I gasped then sighed, feeling the dull pounding in my head go away. I felt gross and tired and weak, then I let my hand that wasn't in the sink go to my lower stomach.

" I was so fucking stupid..." I mumbled then touched my heart focusing on its rhythm. " But I wouldn't change it for the world... You were my little light... You... You are my Phoenix..." I muttered softly rubbing my stomach as I knelt down onto the floor. Turning off the water I laid back on the floor, closing my eyes and going back to sleep.

" I'm surprised you showed up." He said, making me turn around seeing him dressed up in a rather nice suit.

" I said one date didn't I?" I reminded him and he hummed, nodding then extending out a hand again I looked at it with an raised eyebrow then shoved it away.

" You'll accept my hand one day." He said and I rolled my eyes watching as he took the lead then I followed behind him, he opened the door and dinner commenced, it was a blur. Then we were in his room. I jolted up right gasping for air feeling his hands on me, though they were loving and gentle I felt sick, and dirty. Tears rolled down my cheeks for what seemed like the millionth time in the past 24 hours alone. Pulling my knees to my chest and my eyes fell closed again.

" Oh no... No No No! Please No!" I sobbed looking down at the white and blue stick, in the small screen it said PREGNANT my heart dropped and Rue burst into the bathroom slipping under the stall door seeing me shaky holding the test in my hand, they wrapped their arms around me and threw the test across the stall.

" It will be okay, I promise Nix." They said rubbing my back as I cried in their arms. " Is it Sol's?" They asked me and I nodded before I buried my face in the crook of their neck sobbing harder than before, now that I had admitted who the father was of my unborn child.

" It was just one time! I thought he was wearing a rubber! I'm so fucking stupid!" I yelled and Rue did their best to sooth me.

" Hey! Hey, look at me! You are the strongest and kindest woman that I've ever known. Who knows you might be an amazing teen mom and hero. You've got this Nix, and you know that Marcus and I will help you with anything you need." They told me and I nodded then kissed their cheek.

" Thanks Rue." I said then my world went black again, then my eyes fluttered open, I could hear my phone buzzing from the floor in the bedroom, dragging myself to it. I answered the phone. " Hello?" I croaked out.

" Oh you sound like shit." Rue said and I gave a dry chuckle. " What's going on?" They asked me and I sighed.

" Just enjoying memories of the past." I told them sarcastically.

" Oh Nix... It is cuz I mentioned Sol?" They asked and I could hear the guilt dripping in their words.

" No, it's because of Sol himself." I told them and they sighed.

" Well... I just wanted to check in, but I've caught you at a bad time. I'm gonna let you go." They said, and I understood why, my depressive episodes are rough on anyone involved.