Lilium canadense

Chapter 12: Growing and Changing

Gasping for air again, I tapped my dad's arms and he let me go. Wiping away my tears I waved a small wave then trudged upstairs and flopped down onto my bed. I was too emotionally tired to move, but I feared to close my eyes. My dreams were nightmares, and the bed didn't feel the same without Tashiro next to me, sighing. I felt my pocket for my phone and contemplated calling him but went against it. Rolling onto my back I sighed then took a deep breath and rested my hands on my stomach

" I am successful. I am confident. I am powerful. I am strong. I am getting better and better every day." I told myself before taking another inhale closing my eyes. " I am successful. I am confident. I am powerful. I am strong. I am getting better and better every day." I muttered once again. I felt a little bit lighter and a tad bit more relaxed, with one more deep breath I sat up and contemplated sleeping in my window seat or on my bed, weighing both my options I got up from my bed and went to my window dragging a thin blanket with me, curling myself up against the window I stared at the moon as my eyes felt heavy, then finally sleep washed over me.

Sleep, it was my normal escape from the world, it gave me the most time to heal my wounds, but not all wounds can be easily healed with sleep. For once in the past month and a half I haven't had any recurring nightmares of my miscarriage which was a relief, so when my normal alarm blared snapping me awake my phone vibrated in my thigh, touching the volume buttons I snoozed it for now, then stretched popping my elbows and knees making me groan as I leaned backwards popping my back, rubbing my eyes I trudged into the bathroom, small cramps made me groan as I ran my hand through my hair, doing my normal morning business I got dressed into an oversized pair of black basketball shorts and a loose worn sports bra, rubbing my eyes again and yawning I went down to the kitchen to make myself breakfast and get some coffee going. Humming to myself I pull out the pans, eggs, bacon, bread, potatoes. Getting lost in my own world I didn't notice that Kaori had decided to sit on one of the counters.

" Holy fuck! What are you doing?!" I exclaim, almost dropping the potatoes and the cutting board. Then I saw the black and green can in her hand making me roll my eyes. " You should eat before you drink that... you'll get the shakes." I muttered as I dropped the potatoes in the sink and turned on the cold water. " If you're going to be in here, please help." I said less so, asking as I walked back over to the stove hovering my hand over the pan watching as my skin constricted around my bones. Throwing some bacon in the pan I heard in sizzle sighing I let a small smile form on my lips. " How did you sleep last night?" I asked, trying to strike up a conversation, I felt bad for just abandoning her last night. Draining the last of the energy drink from the can she places it down and gives a small smile.

" I slept just fine after the whole interrogation into my sex life." she quips. I chuckled at her response as I looked over my shoulder catching a quick glance of her washing the potatoes.

" She had to do it... We care about you Kaori. I'd hate to see you hurt." I told her as I popped four pieces of toast into the toaster.

" I'm fine. It's nothing new." She deadpanes and I sighed.

" It's not normal. You're still going by the way." I said.

" Huh?" She asked and I flipped the bacon strips.

" You're going to my aunt's clinic today." I said, grabbing a tray from the cabinet next to the stove.

" It was nothing. Your aunt explained everything." She said and I scoffed.

" How do you use a pad? What is a tampon?" I asked. " What are all the purposes of birth control?" I questioned, I sounded like my mother.

" Do I really need to explain this to you? Are you sure you aren't the one who needs to see your aunt if you need a 14 year old to tell you how these things work." She said and I chuckled. " There is also YouTube."