Shattered

CHAPTER 8

Pain. But good pain. I like the pain. It takes away all of the bad my life. Derek. Ellis. Thatcher. If you love someone, you are bound to feel pain.

*24 hours earlier*

I woke up this morning with a pounding headache. You ever get that feeling where you just know something bad is going to happen. I have that feeling. I got dressed and ready for work. I went downstairs where the others were eating their breakfast. I grabbed an apple on the way out not really feeling like eating. When I got to the hospital I got assigned to scut while izzie got Ortho, Alex got plastics, George got peds, Cristina got cardio and Derek got neuro. Lucky Bastards.

I grabbed the chart from the cabinet and went down to the tunnels to work. It's quiet down there and it's our spot. "God these damn charts take fucking forever", I thought as an hour and a half passed by. After 2 hours I decided to take a break and see what the others are up too.
As I walk up I spotted Izzie with scans.
"Hey Iz!"
"Oh.. Hey Mer"
Why did she pause? Did I look funny? I mean I know I've looked better but seriously people need to stop worrying.
"What what wrong"
"Nothing just something funny about a patient." Izzie walked off in a hurry.
Weird.

I continued to walk around desperately trying anyone that I knew; I am so bored. I walked over to the OR board hoping to sneak into a good surgery to watch.

Cardiomyopathy- Miller, Steve
Craniotomy- Johnson, Laura
Liver transplant-Alken, Jane
Gull Bladder Removal- Jane Doe
Leg Fracture-Alexandra Grey

Wait. Wait. Grey? No that can't be. Just a coincidence, I mean Grey is pretty common. Right?

Before I was about to do more investigating I didn't see where I was goin and-
"Oh sorry" a man spoke as I ran into him.
"Oh I am so sor-... Thatcher?"
Oh no oh no shit shit shit.
"Mer- Meredith?"
Grey.. Alexandra Grey... Thatcher...
Fuck.
"Oh my God. You have another kid. After 25 years of abandonment and pain you caused you had another kid?"
"Meredith I am so sorry. I tried I really did but your mother kept pushing me away and after awhile I got harder to fight back. I truly tried but it was easier to stay away so I got remarried and 3 years later I had two children, Lexi and Molly."
"Oh my God."
I walked away in tear trying desperately to cling onto any dignity I had left. I needed to find Derek. I ran as much as I could trying to find him. After what felt like forever I found him. He was at the nurses station talking to a nurse. He was at the nurse station flirting with a nurse. As I was about to run again he spotted me.
"Meredith are you ok what happened?"
"I- he- were you just flirting with that nurse?"
"Oh uh yeah Rose. She asked me out and I said yeah. Idk but she's pretty and smart so what's the harm?"
I feel like an idiot. Before Derek could say another word I ran. I couldn't stand feeling humiliated. I don't know why I do but for some reason I am jealous.
Shit. I like Derek shepherd.

I drove home and ran upstairs thanking the Lord no one was home. I need an escape. I open my bathroom drawer to find a pack of 10 blades I stole. I haven't done this in years but it feels right.

Pain. But good pain. I like the pain. It takes away all of the bad my life. Derek. Ellis. Thatcher. If you love someone, you are bound to feel pain.

What she didn't know is that someone followed her...
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AHH I DID IT AND A BIG CHAPTER WITH THE START OF MERDER🥳🥳🥳