The Odds (CHAESOO)

3.

CHAEYOUNG.

7:14 AM.

I slowly opened my eyes. It took me few moments before I realize why I'm feeling so fucked up. I immediately check the other side of the bed, empty. I closed my eyes again as I rewind everything that happened for the past 12 hours and my tears fell. It's honestly not what I meant. How can I explain things now? For sure all my advances will be rejected. It hurts like hell. I know in myself that I love Jisoo so much. Maybe I should've just told her what's bothering me when it comes to the physical thing. I got up from the bed and headed straight to the bathroom.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes are puffy and red. It's been the most uneasy sleep I've ever had. I breathe another sigh. I have to do something to set things right. We have to talk about it or we'll both lose it. My chest constricted. Thinking about it makes it so hard to breathe. I don't think another loss in Jisoo's case will be helpful. If truth be told, I don't want to lose her either. I wiped my face and went out the door. The weather is a little overcast. It might rain. The house is so silent and I'm wondering where the latter slept. I caught her sitting figure in the sitting room, earpieces on both ears, staring blankly at a distance. My chest tightens; it's a dead end look.

I noticed there is prepared food on the kitchen table already. Jisoo might've not eaten yet by the looks of it. I'm pretty sure she'll put distance from now on and it really hurts. I want her close.

Jesus, so I'm back at square one?

I made my way quietly to the couch. The latter didn't even look around. I can hear the music faintly out of the pieces. She's got it on full blast. I sat beside her and she looked at me, smiling a little. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. The smile didn't even reach her eyes.

"Hi. Good morning. Breakfast's ready," she said, tugging the pieces off her ears. I inched closer.

"Hey, good morning. You look terrible. Did you sleep?" I asked and reached out to touch the graze on her temple. Jisoo flinched but didn't move away. I took it as a good sign.

"I can't sleep," she murmured and looked away. I gently cupped my palms on her face making her look at me.

"I'm sorry about last night. It's not what I meant. I know in myself that you didn't, you know, bedded anyone. But I was. I just asked because I don't want to feel like I'm cheap again. I'm so sorry," I murmured. Jisoo's tears just fell. I wiped it off her cheeks gently.

"I-," she paused and gulped a little hard. My chest tightens more. I hate seeing her like this; vulnerable.

"I-I never did any of those things people accused me of doing. I'm so sorry that you got dragged to my dirty and shitty past. I'm thinking, it's really not healthy for people to be around me. It's best if I'm left alone," she whispered. My tears fell too. It's worse than being shut off. She's letting me go.

"Please, don't do this. It's not true. It's their problem and not yours. Soo please," I pleaded, grabbing her shirt's neckline.

"I don't want something like that to happen again. I don't mind it if it's me they're taunting. I can take everything. I can't let you through all that." I shook my head.

"As long as both of us know what the truth is, I'm okay. I couldn't care less about what other people say, think or do. I love you so much, baby. Fight with me. Please. God please," I pleaded again. Jisoo bowed a little and buried her face in her hands, sobbing. I moved much closer and wrapped my arms around her, embracing.

"Hey, shush. Don't cry. I'm here. I'm always here," I murmured against her hair and kissed her temple gently. Jisoo sobbed more. Her shoulders were shaking so much. All those years of keeping everything in has its consequences. The latter is taking the toll. I broke from the embrace gently and pry her hands off her face. I can see the frustration and pain etched on her face. I am so hurt for her. I know what it feels when no one listens. I know it is hard to keep everything in.