Seeking Refuge | Neteyam

Chapter Twenty

I swam back towards shore, moving ahead of the Sully's. I just needed to plant my feet onto solid ground. It felt like if I didn't do it soon, my body would completely melt away and I'd drown in the waters.

The harsh, cold breeze cut through my skin as I emerged from the water. My feet shifted on the sand, feeling every grain sift through my toes. It felt so bitter compared to how it was before. Everything did. Not even the ethereal glow from the sea could lighten the feeling. It just felt... empty.

Tears continued to stream down my face as I looked at everyone. They separated, creating a path to walk down. Tonowari and his family stood at the end, waiting at the entrance of the gathering hall. A gathering was planned to celebrate the lives of those lost in the battle—to celebrate Neteyam's life. Tsireya stood beside Aonung, tears staining her face as she looked at us with her puppy eyes. That sight added on to the growing pain.

Neytiri's hand landed on my shoulder as the rest of the Sully's reached the shore. I turned to see Tuk in the woman's arms—the girl squeezed her neck, burying her face into her shoulder. Lo'ak posted close beside me, his arm brushing mine. Spider stood beside Kiri, his eyes focused on his feet.

 And then there was Jake.

Toruk Makto. 

The mightiest warrior of the Omatikaya clan, and its former Olo'eyktan. 

The man who only showed bravery, now looked like all he knew was pain.

People began to surround us, murmuring sorry's and laying consoling hands on our arms. I appreciated it, but it felt so useless. Their apologies would never take this pain away.

Neytiri's hand tightened around my shoulder as we started moving through the crowd. Lo'ak's head hung low as his sniffles filled my ears. His sniffles felt like rocks falling down my ears.

Stares. Stares from every direction. Their faces were full of pity. It was like a slap to the face. I didn't need their pity. I needed Neteyam to be alive.

I couldn't be there anymore. I couldn't. The pain was overbearing and it burned everything in me. My body was heating up as the pain transformed into rage. Why? Why did it have to be him?

My body felt like it was shrinking; I couldn't breathe.

Space.

I needed space.

I needed to be alone.

My eyes frantically searched the crowd, my mind spinning as my chest heaved with harsh breaths. The people were closing in  around us to give their apologies. I needed an opening.

My eyes shot to my right.

There.

A clearing.

Lo'ak turned to me but before he could say anything, my feet lunged forward. I couldn't spare any sorry's as I pushed through everyone, slipping through the crowd.

My body moved on its own, and finally, I was free. I took a glance behind me, my name being called. Everyone was turned, looking at me. But I didn't care.

I turned on my heel and ran. I ran. I ran despite my legs killing me and my mind begging me to go back; to go surround myself with loved ones.

I skidded to a stop as I came to the far side of the island—where Neteyam and I spoke about my parents' bracelets. My body collapsed, and an ungodly scream erupted from my throat, escaping the depths of my heart.

Screams. Cries. That's all that came from me.

My fists pounded into the sand, splitting my knuckles. More screams. More cries. More sobs.