Betrothed to Trouble

Chapter 26 - New Fears

I… finally updated it. I have nothing to say in defence of myself other than pure laziness, procrastination and maybe overdosing on Drarry during my holidays. And I realized that a lot of people actually love this story, so I’m really sorry for letting them down and uh, I’d also like thank you guys for the helpful comments you have given me. So um, enjoy? 

            “I – I,“ I stammered, slowly backing away, a chill slowly creeping up my spine.

            Sergei was still staring at me blankly, his eyes wide and unblinking as they witnessed my slow spiral to mind-numbing panic. His jaw was slack and quivering slightly as if he was struggling to push his words out. Strangely, despite my determination not to care, nothing scares me the most than hearing his judgment. What? The fact that such a degrading thought ever crossed my mind disgusts me. I am not a virgin and I’m not ashamed of it, it was my decision then and I did not regret it. So why does that look of shock and maybe, disappointment, in his eyes bother me?

            Drawing myself to my full height, I lifted up my chin regally and cleared my throat purposely, the sound seeming to snap Sergei out of his state of shock.

           

“Yes, I am not a virgin. I thought you knew that already,” I replied as imperiously as I could, crossing my arms to hide my trembling hands.

Sergei looked for once, at a loss for words, and for some inexplicable reason terrified.

“I, I don’t actually,” he managed to respond, his voice rough and his eyebrows furrowed.

“Well, at least now you do. I’m glad we cleared that matter,” I concluded flatly, moving my shoulders in an attempt at casually shrugging, as if I had not just made the most foolish and reckless announcement of my life.

Sergei still stood frozen to his spot as I slowly made my way towards the bed, my cool visage hiding how my heart pounded like drums against my ribcage and how I was barely breathing in fear.

“I don’t understand. How?” he finally asked, turning around to face me, looking thankfully much more himself, with the frown between his golden eyebrows, and hair glistening white under the moonlight streaming from the windows.

Affronted and more than slightly derailed at the obvious question, I shot him a vicious glare, lifting an eyebrow incredulously before realizing that I must have learned that gesture from him. Ugh.

“I’m sure you know how,” I replied stonily. “You must have sown quite a number of wild oats yourself,” I added with not a little hint of malice. I hate this inequality in the judgment of men and women. Women who are not virgins before marriage are condemned as whores while men brag about their ‘conquests’ without people batting a single eyelid.

“NO! I don’t mean that, of course,” he scowled, running a hand over his face tiredly. “I mean, he – how come? Your father – I mean when, oh just, never mind,” he trailed off, now rubbing his face with both hands.