The Monsters Inside of my head

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The monsters were never really under the bed.


Is dying the only way to get them out of my head?


Everyday within grows this dread.


Will I only find peace when I'm dead?


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I try to focus on blessings to feel thankful


But when I see greater lives of others, I grow resentful.


All my life, I try and work hard to be successful.


In an ugly world, I just want a life that's beautiful.


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When will my plans and dreams happen to me?


Am I going to be a loser for all eternity?


The blessings I receive suddenly feel like leftovers from charity.


Why do I keep inviting myself to this pity party?


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I'm torn between giving up and holding on to my plans.


Overall, I'm aware that my future is in God's hands.


I like to believe he knows the very number of my hair strands.


And that he's not just a spectator watching from the stands.


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I want to stay hopeful and have the will to live.


I hope I'm not someone the world finds easy to deceive.


I want to be someone ready for blessings to give and receive.


God, give me hope and help me to still believe.


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Copyright


Star Ashley Cruz


Jan. 20 2023

R.I.P. (Radical. Immortal. Poetry.)Where stories live. Discover now