R.I.P. (Radical. Immortal. Poetry.)

Sudden Burst

I'm not fond of love, it makes me vulnerable and weak.

Everything for the sake of the one I love us all I ever seek.

The future I want for us so desperately

Is all I ever think about daily.

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I do everything according to plan just to be sure

Even the painful decade-long waiting, I endure.

But every now and then a sudden burst of giving up will pop,

Physical aching in my chest does not ever seem to stop.

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I feel like time and society has cast me aside

And it wants me to explode from the inside,

Coming from witnessing others having even little more progress than me.

A hundredfold of my efforts and "successes" suddenly feel empty.

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Desperate to have a life of our own together someday

But we can't afford it, even now there's so much bills to pay!

So why should I aspire you to be my family?

I have no means to happiness if I'm not wealthy.

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I can't even take care of myself completely on my own.

I want independence so badly, all I can do is cry and groan.

Lord, if this is still my heart's desire, I don't want a heart anymore.

It feels like there's not much to be living for.

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There's no shortage of things to be miserable about.

I've been edging to let go and bawl my eyes out.

I know there are many blessings that I'm still counting

But what feels heavier ironically, is what was lacking.

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Copyright

Star Ashley Cruz

Nov. 2, 2022