Night of the Living Bitches - 5sos

Chapter 42: Grieving

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-Erica's POV-

I hear my bedroom door open and turn over seeing Luke and Ashton standing in the door frame, "We brought dinner," they tell me as they slowly enter the room. I give them a forced smile and sit up feeling my stomach growl.

"Thank guys...."

I see Kyleigh standing where they just were and wave her in. She shuts the door behind her and takes the spot right beside me, taking my hand in hers. I rest my head on the wall and feel my eyes start to tear up. Ashton puts his hand on my leg and I lose it, "this is a dream it has to be," I whisper immediately covering my eyes with my arms.

"You have to eat. Come on you can do it," he says as Kyleigh takes my hand again but this time away from my face. I look at the ring on my finger and slowly reach for the bowl as Ashton gets under the covers.

"Fuck, who knew love could hurt this badly?" I say with a small laugh as I rub the tears from my eyes. I slowly put a raspberry in my mouth and feel sick to my stomach.

"Remember that time when Calum ran the stupid Barbie car into you when you got back from scavenging?" Luke asks making me smile at the memory, "He must have spent the entire day apologizing even though he knew you didn't care," he adds. I go to put the bowl down but Ashton stops me and tells me I have to finish it.

"What are you my dad now?" I ask making him roll his eyes as he rubs the skin that's exposed between my pants and my ankle, "did you guys know?" I ask as we all sit in the company of each other for a while.

"He asked for our help finding the ring. I wish you could have watched his face as he did it. We would suggest some options we thought were perfect but he would always say no," Ashton says making my lip quiver.

"I've always wanted to get married," I whisper playing with the ring that's been glued to my finger for a couple days, "Are you guys okay?" I ask looking at all of them. They all nod their heads but I can tell they are hiding their emotions from me. I excuse myself for a moment to go to the bathroom and finally see my appearance. I fix up my hair and stand there not recognizing the person in the mirror. I grab my flashlight again and walk back into the room. I see Luke holding the Polaroid and Ashton with his hand on Luke's shoulder.

"Michael and Calum should be here right now," he says choking up. He stands up from the bed and grabs one of the bedside lamps slamming it against the wall. We all shield ourselves from the ceramic shards as he grabs another one and smashes it in the same spot. He turns around fully sobbing as he pulls at his hair. I nod my head letting myself cry as I move closer to him. He releases all his pent-up emotions as he cries into my shoulder. Minutes later we pull away and he tries to hide the sorrow still in his eyes but I just give him a weak smile.

"This fucking sucks," he says making the four of us laugh as we wipe the tears from our eyes. I lay back down in bed as Luke does the same on the other side of Kyleigh.

"Can you guys stay in here the rest of the night?" I ask, "I don't want to be alone anymore," I whisper. Ashton moves so he's behind me and wraps his arm around my waist.

"I can practically hear Calum saying 'Watch that hand Irwin," Kyleigh says making us all laugh. We all go silent and I look at Kyleigh and she gives me a sympathetic smile, "did you guys see Jensen today?" She asks.

"He's focusing all of his grief on building defenses. He's even recruited some of the new people to help him," Ashton says making me frown, "He doesn't seem like the hug-it-out kind of guy," he adds.

"We should get some sleep and then in the morning we can eat a real meal and maybe even shower," Ashton says rubbing my arm.

It feels like a couple seconds before Kyleigh is shaking me awake. I look and see the guys are gone and hide my eyes from the light that's coming in through the window, "I don't think I can face going out there," I tell her as she sits up in the bed,

"You can and you will. I'll be there and so will Luke and Ashton," she says holding her hand out to help me up. I bite my inner lip and grab a change of clothes before she leaves the room. Once I'm in a clean set of clothes I look at the Polaroid and still feel that numb feeling. I put the picture back on the nightstand and root through the drawers of the room. As I get to the last one I find a chain from dog tags that were left behind. I open the clasp and put the dog tags in the drawer before taking my ring off and slinging it on the chain. If I lost this I don't know what I would do.

I take small steps towards the door and open it seeing everyone downstairs already. As I head down the stairs my eyes scan over Blake and Reece and the looks on their faces, "Breakfast?" I ask walking into the kitchen and putting on my happiest face. I can see the confusion on their own as I sit down and grab some oatmeal they made, "Smells great," I state. The front door opens and I see Jensen walking in shivering from the cold weather. I get up from my chair and we walk toward each other with the same expression.

"I'm sorry," I whisper as he pulls away. He gives me the same smile I gave everyone else and I nod my head, "hungry?" I ask. He nods his head and sits down next to me taking a bowl.

"So what's next on our agenda?" I ask looking at the leaders of our new group. Blake and Reece walk over and take a seat as Kyleigh drinks a cup of coffee one of the other people found.

"We should secure this neighborhood. We have more people here and it's better to have more numbers," Luke says. Everyone agrees and he starts telling us his ideas for expanding to the other houses.

"We could make this house the main base. Jensen, you are free to move into this house," Ashton says passing him a cup of coffee.

"Actually Blake and Reece invited me to their house. Figured it would make sense to have our groups on each side. We can have a walkie at each house," he says holding the one he had last night up. I look at the guys and they both smile not realizing how much that means.

"What about today? Give me a task," I tell them as I put my bowl into the sink to be washed later. When I turn around they are all giving me a look, "Stop. I can't play the grieving widow for the rest of my life and he wouldn't...," I breathe feeling my words getting caught in my throat, "He wouldn't want me to sit around in a dark room all day," I tell them.

"Fine. Do we have any ammo left?" I ask. Luke gives me a confused look as I walk into the kitchen, "I'm gonna go out and try and find some food," I tell them.

"Woah," Ashton says stopping me from walking out the door, "not by yourself you're not," he states.

"I'll be back before nighttime," I tell him before walking out the back door. I close the door behind me and turn to see a patch of dirt that stands out in the yard. I slowly walk over and see a small cross secured to the ground at the head of it. His name is etched into the wood. I run my finger along the wood and hold the ring with my other.

"We didn't want you to see this until it was done," Ashton says as he walks down the patio.

"How are you so calm through all this? You aren't punching walls or screaming until your lungs give you," I tell him as he walks over to me kneeling in front of his grave.

"In a weird twisted way they are free from all of this," he says making me turn to look at him as he crouched beside me, "they don't have to worry about food or water. Calum died in the arms of his wife and best friends. Michael wasn't so lucky but at least he's free," he says. I nod my head wiping the stray tears that fell, "I love you and I know this is going to hurt for a while but don't make stupid mistakes. If you die the pain doesn't die with you it's just going to move to another person," he whispers, helping me to my feet.

"Thanks, Ash"

"I know it's not technical but Luke and I are your brother-in-laws now so you're kind of stuck with us," he says making me laugh.

"I wouldn't want it any other way," I state. I see Kyleigh looking at us through the window and she smiles and walks away when she sees Ashton talking me down from running off.