REMORSE (ENG)

chapter 6.1

Four years ago, Kongpob did something stupid that he regrets to this day.

During the first day of orientation, Kongpob realized that the head hazer for his batch was the same person he met during his college entrance interview. A senior who talked to a nervous high school student and calmed him down, as well as someone who helped him decided to major in engineering.

Kongpob was taken aback by the difference between him and the senior he met during the interview. But no matter how cruel the senior shows himself to be, Kongpob can still see the true nature of the senior.

He is not a cruel, cold, and unapproachable senior, as he frequently portrays during orientation; all of that is an image that his senior created during his time as the head hazer. Kongpob still respected the elder. The senior also didn't seem to recognize Kongpob, but Kongpob, he would never forget that person.

Knowing that their dorm rooms faced each other, as well as the frequent interactions with the senior, caused Kongpob to develop feelings, that he probably shouldn't have developed. Feelings that Kongpob himself did not understand. The feelings he usually felt for a woman, he now felt for the senior.

Every little movement or change that happened to the senior, did not escape Kongpob's attention. He didn't want to miss any of it. 

Without Kongpob realizing it, his feelings for the senior had shifted. It changed to where, when they met, all Kongpob wanted to do was touch him, hug him, and do other things that lovers usually do. 

Kongpob became selfish; he didn't want others to know about his senior and be close to his senior more than he did. Now a short meeting was not enough for him, he wanted to spend more time with his seniors than usual.

He doesn't know if it's because his attitude is easy to read, but one day the senior asks him if Kongpob had feelings for him. At that time, Kongpob didn't answer and made his senior upset.

Kongpob really wanted to say "yes," but he realized he couldn't do that because his senior didn't feel the same way. He was afraid that if he said "yes", his seniors would avoid him. 

Kongopb didn't feel that he had a chance. Kongpob frequently saw his senior with a girl, they looked very close, and everyone said they are lovers. Seeing him with that girl hurt Kongpob's feelings, but what could he do? That's why he kept his feelings to himself.

Kongpob could only be honest about his feelings when the senior lying beside him was already fast asleep. That night, the senior spent the night in his room because the senior's room was flooded due to a leaking water pipe. 

That night, Kongpob expressed his feelings, feelings that he could not express when his senior opened his eyes. Although the contents of his heart never reached his seniors, Kongpob still felt relieved. He couldn't force his feelings on his senior and could only bury his feelings deeply, hoping they would disappear on their own. 

Right now, just being able to be close to him as a senior junior is enough for him.

Kongpob's desire for the senior, which he had locked up deeply, was reopened that night. The senior was heavily inebriated on the night he gave himself to Kongpob; it was also the night Kongpob drank more than usual. 

That night, Kongpob was hanging out with his high school friends, celebrating one of his friends who had gotten a scholarship abroad. While drinking, Kongpob felt his upper arm being pulled hard by someone. Kongpob turned his head towards the person, and he was surprised to find that the person who pulled his arm was none other than his own senior.

Without further ado, the senior handed himself over to Kongpob. He ordered Kongpob to do something that he was uncomfortable with. Kongpob himself was actually starting to get dizzy, but he was still conscious enough to refuse his senior's order.