REMORSE (ENG)

chapter 16.4

"You're awake." Someone said as Arthit opened his eyes.

Arthit tried to focus on his foggy vision and saw a woman standing next to his bed.

"I'm Kaning, Kongpob's sister. I will take care of you until your internship is over. You can rest for a few days, I've sent a sick leave letter to the company."

"P' Kaning, Is.. my baby okay? Where's Kongpob?"

Kaning gave him a worried look before answering, "Kongpob wouldn't have asked me to take care of you if he was still here."

Arthit didn't want to believe what he just heard. Kongpob.. he's already leaving? No way!

Arthit closed his eyes again, trying to fall back asleep and hoping he was still dreaming, but his efforts were in vain. He was really awake now, and Kongpob was really gone. Tears began to fall from the corner of his eyes.

Wiping his tears Arthit asked, "P'Kaning... do you know where Kongpob go?"

"I don't know."

Arthit didn't know if P'Kaning was lying or not, but he didn't ask any more questions. Arthit felt he had no right to. Arthit himself had wanted this in the first place, he just didn't expect Kongpob to not even let Arthit see the baby.

"P'Kaning, you don't need to take care of me. I can take care of myself. P'Kaning must be busy. Besides... my internship will be over soon."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay then. I'll take care of you until you can go home. If you need anything, just call me. I'll give you my phone number."

"Thank you, P'."

When Kaning left Arthit alone, that's when Arthit started crying so hard. Arthit kept thinking about how miserable he was. It was strange to feel his stomach returning to its original shape. It felt like he had lost an important part of himself. Arthit wanted to see his baby. Arthit wanted to hug his baby. What should Arthit do now? Where should Arthit go to find Kongpob and his baby?

Arthit spent 7 days recovering before returning to his internship. He saw that the room Kongpob rented next to his room was now empty. He also heard from a friend that Kongpob had dropped out of college. Arthit tried calling his number but it was no longer reachable. The junior had left nothing but a note that Arthit found on the nightstand beside his hospital bed.

The note reads, [Thank you for taking good care of the baby. The baby was born healthy. I apologize for everything I have done. We're leaving, take care of yourself]

After his internship, Arthit's life felt empty. He didn't even know what he was in for now. Arthit was completely alone. Mom, Dad, Vina, Kongpob, and his baby had left him.

There was no desire in Arthit's life. He was living a rough life. Fortunately, Arthit was able to finish his studies on time even though he spent most of his time working and looking for Kongpob.

His friends realized the difference in Arthit, so they tried to get him to open up to them but Arthit remained silent. Even until they graduated, Arthit remained silent. It was sad to see one of their friends become like this without being able to do anything for him.

The graduation ceremony, which should have been a beautiful memory, meant nothing to Arthit. No one came for him. Although there were friends who accompanied him, it wasn't long before they had to go and gather with their respective families.

After the event, the first thing Arthit did was visit his mother's grave. Arthit told his mother that he had graduated the way she wanted him to. It was a pity that his mother couldn't see Arthit at his graduation ceremony.

Arthit also told her what had happened to him so far. Arthit doesn't know what to do. Go back to living a normal life like Kongpob wanted? How could he? Arthit doesn't even know what his normal life is like.

"What should I do now, mom?" of course, Arthit didn't get an answer from his mom.

Arthit relied on his savings before he finally got a job. Arthit wanted to focus on finding Kongpob first, but he also had to be realistic. Arthit was sure Kongpob must have gone somewhere far and he would need a lot of money to look for him.

After a year of working, Arthit was assigned to overseas training for 6 months. All this time, Arthit did not stop looking for Kongpob but unfortunately, he still could not find him. This time Arthit had to postpone his search again because of this training.

Before starting the training, the participants were required to take a language class first. It was there that Arthit met M who was continuing his master's studies. It felt good to meet a junior whom Arthit knew in a foreign country like this.

One day Arthit invited M to meet for lunch. There Arthit began to ask about the things that were bothering him. Things he wanted to know, which he was sure M would know the answer to.

"M, do you remember the incident at the bar that night when you and your friends were hanging out, then I suddenly came and pulled Kongpob from there?"

"Yes, I remember it P'."

"Can you tell me what happened afterward? I really don't remember anything."

"I want to apologize first. After you pulled Kongpob away, Kongpob took you to a quieter place so as not to attract people's attention, and I followed you guys. I was afraid something bad would happen."

"It's okay. So what happened after that?"

"P'.. you asked him if he trusted you, Kongpob nodded. Then you asked him again if he loved you, he just nodded. That's when you asked Kongpob to prove it by kissing you,"

Arthit widened his eyes when he heard that but he remained silent waiting for M to finish his sentence, "because at that time Kongpob refused, you kissed him first harshly. Kongpob pushed you hard, and you hit him hard in the face.

I was going to separate you guys when I saw Kongpob just standing there taking all your punches. But I stopped in my tracks when I saw you suddenly crying and hugging Kongpob. I couldn't hear what you said to him, but you hugged him for a long time until you passed out."

"Then..."

"Then after that Kongpob said to the guys he would take you home."

After all this time, Arthit finally knew what happened that night. Arthit could now guess what happened to them afterward. That night, Kongpob wouldn't have gone that far if it wasn't for his behavior. Damn! The effects of alcohol were horrible, Arthit was grateful he decided to stop drinking too much after that incident.

"Thank you M. Thank you also for keeping this a secret. I'll look for Kongpob, I'll let you know if there's any news."

"Okay P'. My friends and I will also let you know if there is any news from Kongpob."

Besides his meeting with M, Arthit also met someone who helped him regain his confidence; one of the local trainees there who also had a special condition like Arthit.

Arthit found out that in this country, men who can give birth are not as rare as in his country. Here, it was considered normal. The man also invited Arthit to meet and introduced him to many other men with similar conditions. They were all kind and supportive of each other.

Arthit learned a lot from them. He learned that there is no need to be ashamed of the fact that a man can give birth. Such a condition does not make him lose his identity as a man. Most of them are even happily married to their wives and have children.

Arthit felt lucky to do the training this time, besides improving his skills, he also got many other experiences.

Arthit is more confident now. After his training is over, Arthit will go back to look for Kongpob. He wants to meet Kongpob and his son soon. Arthit wanted to apologize to them. Arthit misses them so much.