deep blue eyes // Antoine Griezmann

Chapter 39 - What If

I am in such a good mood. I don't think there is nothing that is going to put me down.

It's a very rainy, gloomy day the next day, Saturday, but in spite of it, I can't stay inside. A little rain never hurt anybody, right? I slip on my sneakers and pull on a hoodie. I grab my skateboard and my basketball, deciding I'll go to the park and shoot some hoops. I skate over, holding my basketball under one arm. When I get there, I'm happy to see Neymar and Giroud, playing one v. one. I guess I wasn't the only one who felt like playing in the rain, huh?

"Ney! Giroud!" I grin, kicking up my board, catching it in the air, and running over. "What's up, guys? You also felt like playing in the rain?"

"Oh, awesome," Neymar grins. "You're here, and you've got your ball. Giroud's ball sucks. It's flat. Thank Jesus you're here."

"Yeah, you're on your knees, thanking your Lord right now, yeah?" I tease with a big grin. I pass my basketball to Neymar, who rolls Giroud's off the court. "Should I join Giroud's team?" I ask.

"Sure," Giroud nods with a grin. So we start playing, and we have a blast. The three of us, in a while sit down in the middle of the wet court, not caring that we're getting our butts wet.

"So, Sage, have you and Griezmann done it yet?" Neymar grins mischievously.

I look at him, confused, genuinely not understanding what he's asking. "What do you mean? "Yeah, last night we made out."

"Whoa, Sage. Just going to start going into the specifics into how romantic Grizou is, and how his lips feel on yours?" Giroud says with a slight cringe. "Because I don't think either of us want you to describe that..."

I feel myself blush bright red, and I mutter, glancing down, "Oh, shut up!"

Neymar and Giroud share a look, and Neymar asks, "No, Sage, what I was asking if you guys have had sex yet."

My heart is pounding throughout my whole body. "Uh- uh- I- W- we-" I don't know why I'm stuttering so much. I clear my throat, gather myself, and say, "No, we haven't."

Neymar nods, eyebrows raised. "I wonder if Griezmann is going to be trying that soon..."

I raise my eyebrows in complete curiosity. "Did Antoine say something to you or something?"

"Nothing about having sex, no, but Sage, I got to show you something, as long as you don't tell anyone. You too, Giroud," Neymar says with a sneaky grin.

Suddenly, a familiar voice says behind us, "What is it?"

We all turn around quickly to see Phil Foden standing there, wearing a light yellow t-shirt and white basketball shorts.

Neymar grins. "Sit down, Foden, and if you also promise not to talk about it with anyone else, you can hear this recording I have, too."

Crap. Why is Foden here? For some reason his presence makes a just the slightest worried and uncomfortable, after knowing he likes me and the conversation I overheard with him and Antoine.

Foden sits down next to me, a little closer than he should, I think. But maybe I'm just imagining it. He says, "Okay, Neymar. I swear I won't tell. I guess I came at the perfect time, huh? I was just going for a bike ride, and saw you three hanging out here."

"Yeah, pure luck, huh?" Neymar says with a grin. "Alright, so I know this is pretty sucky and disloyal of me, but I kind of had to do it, because I'm pretty sucky and disloyal. So in the car, Griezmann was like, pouring his lovey-dovey heart out to me, and I just had to turn on the recording on my phone. I couldn't not catch his words on recording."

"Neymar!" I say, eyes wide, feeling a bit angry that he'd do that specifically to my boyfriend. "Why would you do that?!"

"Because I'm evil. Now don't be a goody-goody now, Sage. And you already promised you wouldn't tell anyone, yeah? Okay, so just listen to this recording, guys." Neymar pulls up the recording on his phone, and sets it in the middle of our small circle on the ground.

It's Antoine's beautiful voice speaking. It starts with him saying,"You know, Neymar? Like, how do I really know? She's so perfect, and she's so beautiful, and she shows she loves me so much, but what if it's just another Rachel thing? That Rachel bi- girl acted even sweeter than Sage does... What if it's just more of that?" Neymar's voice in the recording responds with. "Yeah, I don't know man." There is some silence, before Antoine says, "I want that girl so much... I want to just make out with her, and I wish I could touch her, but our relationship is so new. I want to... see her body. I want to know her, inside and out. Her personality is beautiful, but it's hidden from me, it feels like. It's the same way with her body. She seems so hidden to me, so hard to understand, yet I long to know her in and out so, so much. God, the only word to describe it is love. I'm head over heels with love, Neymar," He says this with a shallow chuckle. "I'm head over heels, in love. I love being with her, because she makes me feel so amazing. I just want to be with her, because she is so hot... Neymar, I'm lucky to have her... But I want to touch her. My God. That is what I need from her. But I know she's not ready. I know... She probably never will be, and that's fine... I guess I just have to look at the other things she's doing for me, right?"

I sit there, feeling so stiff, it's unbelievable. I don't even know where to look, or what to think. What do I think at that.

Giroud says, "Sheesh. Straight from Griezmann's big fat mouth, huh? I guess he had to say it so much, he told you, Neymar, since you're totally the most trustworthy guy in the whole school, right?"

Neymar grins proudly. "Nope!"

Foden suddenly sighs loudly, muttering, "God, he's such a hypocrite."

I stare at him. "What are you thinking, Foden?" I question, seriously wanting to know.

"Me? Oh, nothing. I'm just thinking about how much of a lying, hypocritical schmuck your boyfriend is."

I stare at him longer. "What?"

"He has acted like you're a queen, and that he'd do anything for you, putting on a little show of being so much of a prince and a gentleman. Then, when he thinks his secret is safe, he goes out and says that. That he just wants you and your body. He wants to know your body, even if you're uncomfortable about that. That's obviously all he's focused on. All that crap about personality? He spoke that quieter, with less romantic tones. All I'm saying is that your boyfriend of yours seems kind of like just a jackass to me. Anyway, I got to run. Bye, guys," Foden stands up, runs away to his bike, just like that.

I say I'm going home, because I seriously need to think about this.

I really, really love Antoine Griezmann. But what if he's not right? What if he does just want my body? What if seeing my body and touching and enjoying it is more important to him than quality time? Or snuggling? Or just simply talking?

What if my boyfriend would rather just learn exactly how to kiss me to let me fall into his arms, instead of holding me in his arms when I really need it? What if he'd love to know my body, but my personality is less important?

What if he just wants me for my looks, and the personality is just a nice little thing that comes along?

What if Foden's anger is right?

What if Foden's anger and jealousy is justified?

Then what?