deep blue eyes // Antoine Griezmann

Chapter 49 - Not So Fast

~ Author's Note ~

Boy is watching baseball there.

Lol is it has been over a month since I have updated this story and I am so sorry. If this next chapter is bad or a bit choppy or confusing or something because of how long it as been. I personally am proud of it for a first one back, but I do not know what you will think. Probably the ones after this will be a little confusing, too, because there is honestly a lot in this story I do not remember. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy! <3

Me and Antoine sit together in the woods, next to each other, staring out at the small little body of water, silently. Finally, Antoine breaks the painful silence by saying simply and softly, "Talk to me."

"About what?"

"Why you cried. Tell me everything. Tell me your emotions. And your thoughts. I need to know. If this is going to last, then we have to understand that we will run into hurtles, but the only way to get over them is by understanding the problem."

I nod, breathing deeply. "I do not know how to start."

"I have time. Start however and whenever you like."

I sit, thinking for probably about a minute, just organizing my uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, before finally saying quite simply, "Okay. I cried because I do not want to be your girlfriend. I want us to be a couple."

His eyebrows furrow, and he looks straight at me with those eyes. I swallow, forcing myself to look away from the beautiful shiny orbs. He says, "Look at me. I do not understand what you are saying. You being my girlfriend and us being a couple are the same thing, are they not?"

I swallow. "Antoine, I am having a hard time explaining it."

"It is okay. Take your time." He inches his hand toward mine, but I do not make any effort or act to hold his hand.

After a few more moments, I finally say, "I do not want to be... just... I do not want to be yours, that you turn to whenever you need happiness. I feel like you are using me because I make you feel happy... I feel like you keep pushing for things that I am not comfortable with. Can we not just cherish each other by kissing and holding hands and hugging and talking for now? I mean, we are still in school, anyway, for goodness sake. Antoine, I just do not want to be in this relationship if you are going to keep talking about me as if I am... an object that you want to keep, and not a human that you want to date and love and cherish. I do not expect you to snap your fingers and have this problem fixed, but I just expect you to work towards this, if we are to stay together."

Suddenly, he throws his arms around me, burying his head on my shoulder. I put my arms around his strong back, rubbing it without even thinking about it, and he says, "I am so sorry. I keep getting carried away. Far too ahead of myself. I feel terrible for making you cry... God, I'm sorry. Before we go on to bigger things, we have to have a very emotionally sound relationship. I'm so selfish, and I'm sorry, by making you seem like you're just my person that makes me happy, and that's all you're good for."

"Antoine," I mutter, now into his ear, that he's so close. "I also feel like sometimes you might value my body more than my personality, and I can't have that, either."

He nods, and after a few silent seconds, he mutters, "You are so much more. I'm sorry. I'll... I'll try my best to change, for you, because I know that I love you too much to have you breaking up with me. I would do anything to avoid that. I just... I will try my hardest, okay? And if I ever upset you, just point it out, so I can change what I'm doing there wrong."

"Antoine, stop," I suddenly mutter, my voice cracking.

"What?" he says in surprised, worried confusion, leaning back away with me with big blue eyes. "What did I...?"

"No, you didn't do anything," I shake my head, looking down, wiping underneath my eyes. I sniff. "I cry way too often, and now you've just made me cry again... I hate crying..."

"Sage," he breathes, placing a hand on my arm. "What's wrong? What did I do?"

"Nothin' is wrong," I sniff. "It's just... it's so sweet... you're so willing to change and do anything for me... it's just... That is really touching, is all. Thank you so much, Antoine." I throw my arms around him and bury my stupid crying face in his chest. He rubs my back this time, and hugs me back tightly.

He then gently whispers into my head with his beautiful accent, "I love you. I'm going to try so hard, because you deserve more than me. I'm not being a good boyfriend, and thank you for talking to me and make me realise it. I will try so hard to be better for you, because I need to quit being so selfish. I feel awful about it..."

I lean up, and look at him for a few seconds. As I stroke his cheek gently and feel his soft skin, cheekbone, and jawline, he, with his thumbs, wipes the tears off of my face. His deep blue eyes are swirling with so many emotions, but right before we lean in for a kiss, right before I close my eyes and as I'm resting my arms on his shoulders, the only thing I see in those beautiful eyes are love.

And if he loves me that much, then I have to give him the benefit of the doubt and simply believe that he will try to be better. I simply have to believe that that love is too strong to let me go so easily.