AGAIN || MAYBE IN ANOTHER LIFE

Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Céline

Now

The obvious thing a good daughter would do when returning home after two years? Run straight to her family, making up for lost time. But my priorities are different now. The moment I step off the jet, my eyes land on a matte black car parked on the tarmac. Leaning against the door, Max is typing something on his phone.

'Max!' My voice comes out louder than expected, carrying across the open space. His head snaps up, and within seconds, he's walking toward me.

'My God, Lin, I missed you like crazy!' He pulls me into a suffocating hug, tight, warm, and full of unspoken words. Before I even realize it, tears spill down my cheeks, the weight of the last two years crashing over me. 'I'm really, really sorry, Lin.' He whispers into my hair, his hand stroking my back in comfort. My breath hitches, coming faster now, raw and unsteady.

'What did I do wrong, Max? Why?' The words barely escape me, shaky and desperate. He holds me tighter. 'It's not your fault, Céline.' He murmurs. 'They just lost you.' I shake my head. I don't need to hear that, and deep down, Max knows it too.

'Maybe it would have been better if I had died, if no one had saved me. At least I wouldn't be in so much pain now.' The words slip out before I can stop them. Max stiffens in my arms, and before I can even process, he pulls my head away from his chest, forcing me to look him in the eye. 'Fuck Lin, don't ever say something like that again, aren't you thinking about us? About your parents?' I fall silent. I know I shouldn't have said it, but the words were already out.

'A part of me died that day, I might as well just die.'

Max's face tightens with frustration, anger. But I need this. I need to vent, to let it out. He's the only one who can bring me back to earth. He's about to speak, but I shake my head before he can say anything.

'No, no Max, it was all my fault, all my fault! I deserve all this suffering, but I don't know if I can go on like this.' He softens, his eyes searching mine, trying to figure out what's really eating at me. 'Lin, what's the real problem?' Well, he knows me too well. And now I can't hold it in anymore.

'I don't want to see him, I can't. I could never look him in the eyes again, because all I'd think about is how it was all my fault.' A drop wets my face, but this time it's not my tears. The sky above is opening up, the rain starting to fall, soaking me further as I stand there, trembling. Max sighs, pulling me closer, his voice gentle but firm.

'Come on, let's get you home, you should catch some sleep.' I nod, exhausted, and follow him to the car where the driver is already waiting. I settle into the back seat, resting my head on Max's chest, but the adrenaline in my veins keeps me awake.

'I want to have fun tonight, like I did with Danny before I met Charles.' Max knows exactly what that means, wild nights drowning in rivers of alcohol, maybe a reckless hookup in the bathroom of some nightclub. 'Well, sorry to disappoint, but there's no way Kelly is letting you throw yourself at the first stranger you meet. And tonight, I'm on her side.' I snort. 'I wasn't asking for permission, don't worry.' But Max doesn't laugh. He's irritated, and that definitely wasn't my intention. 'I just don't get it, Lin. Why did you come back to be like this?'

Yeah. I don't understand either.

Silence settles between us, thick and heavy. The hum of the car is the only sound for a while.

'Charles was my first real relationship, my first love.' I murmur. 'I knew from the start that if things ever fell apart, it would hurt. For both of us.' Two years have passed, and not a single day has gone by without me thinking about him, about his green eyes, which, for nearly four years, were the first thing I saw every morning. Why does it have to be a tragedy that, for just one night, I want to think about something else? New York had given me nothing more than a few fleeting, heated nights with a colleague. The thought that he might have found another person able to make him feel as good as I did for a while, leaves a hollow ache in my stomach, one I wish I didn't still feel after all this time.