CHAPTER 14
Céline
Now
I resigned, smoked nearly two packs of cigarettes, and while Charles' words echoed in my head, I started laughing nervously. But that laugh soon turned into a desperate cry. I spent three hours sitting on the kitchen floor, and I have no intention of getting my shit together. I need Max, but he took off last night with Kelly and P for a little family trip before the season starts. I should tell Liam I'm not going to make it for lunch, but when I pick up the phone, I can't help but press Max's contact and start a call.
'Hello?' P's little voice comes through, and I force a smile, trying to calm my breathing. I don't want her to hear me crying. 'Hello, Pen, is Maxie there?' There's a moment of silence, I'm not even sure if she recognizes my voice. 'Céline! Max is chasing our dog, you should see him!' Her little laugh fills my heart, but I still can't gather the strength to have a proper conversation with her.
'Can you call him for me, P?' She simply says yes, and after a minute, my best friend's voice comes through.
'Hey Lin, what's up?' If I managed to hold back the tears with Penelope, I can't do it with him. 'He was here, he... I can't, Max, I feel like I'm going to die.' Everything is spinning again, my vision is blurry.
'What the fuck happened?' I take a deep breath, trying to explain everything that happened between me and Charles a few hours ago. He listens patiently until I'm done. 'Do you want me to come back?' Of course not, but I don't need to answer him; he only asks because he knows he won't have to.
'He told me New York changed me! How am I supposed to tell him that being in the same room as him scares the shit out of me?' No one knows, and eventually, I'll have to face it, but right now it feels impossible. 'I'm miserable, I can't do anything but cry.' I'm rambling, lost in my own head, so much so that I don't even notice my dad entering the house and standing in front of me.
'My dad's here, I'll call you later.' My dad's face is full of concern as he puts his hands on my arms, helping me to my feet. 'Alright, Lin, everything's fine. Come on.' But I can see he knows nothing's fine. His eyes are filled with worry, it must be one of the worst feelings in the world to watch your daughter slowly fall apart, not even trying to fight back anymore. 'Crap, nothing's fine, Dad.' Maybe it's time for someone in my family to know what happened two years ago.
'Céline, it's been a month, and you've told us nothing about New York. What happened to you, Lee?' My dad hasn't called me that since I was six years old. My heart aches even more. 'I'm so sorry, Dad. I just wanted to try not to think about it for a while.' I wish I could stop crying, smile, and go on like nothing happened. That's what I would've done if no one had come to pull me out of the darkness.
'I didn't mean to hide it. I just thought, if no one knew, it would be like it never happened. That you all would treat me like before and not with pity.' I never thought I'd see my dad cry, but today was the first time. Pointless to say, everything I told him was something he could never have imagined.
'If you want me out of here, I get it. I kept you out of my life all this time. I deserve it.' His head shakes. He can't even look at me, and that's when I realize I've messed everything up again. 'We need to tell your mom, Céline. She should've been the first to know.' Maybe now that the truth is out, it's time for me to go back home. With the first flight, I could be in my penthouse by tomorrow morning at the latest.
'Did you talk to Charles? I saw him outside this morning. He was waiting for you.' I nod, omitting that we didn't really talk, but more like shouted the whole time. 'Maybe he could help you process this. He's been your boyfriend for so long. No one knows you better than him. A little chat could help.' A small smile forms on my face.
How can he ask me to do that?
'I know it sounds crazy now, but don't clam up. He deserves a few words from the girl he loved so much. You don't know how many times he came by after you left, asking how you were, telling us how lost he was without the love of his life.' He's right, Charles doesn't deserve to be treated like I did a few hours ago. I have to set aside all my fears and face him. 'Try to do the right thing. Whatever you choose, I'm on your side.' After my dad said his piece, I rushed out of the house. He had shown me everything from a different perspective, making me feel stupid. This morning, Charles just wanted to talk, but I got scared and shut him out, ending up shouting at him instead. That's exactly why I didn't want to see him, because seeing him again means admitting that I missed him, but it also means reliving the moments my life changed forever.
The shouting.
The hands on me, blood.
And his green eyes as the only thing I could see in the darkness. I squeeze my eyes shut, tears threatening to fall again. Nothing will take me back in time, and avoiding him won't make me any less scared. Avoiding him won't change what I still feel when he's around, and I hate myself for it. Anyway, nothing will turn back time. Neither avoiding him nor fighting will change it. When I get in the car, adrenaline floods my veins, but as soon as I sit down, I realize I don't really have anywhere to go. I stop in a parking spot and turn on the radio.
Maybe I should apologize.
After all, I came back to start over, and it would be nice not to be hated by everyone. I don't know where Charles is living now, but I vaguely remember the street from the morning I was there with Liam. That's the only place I know I could find him. Turns out I don't remember the place as well as I thought, and getting there takes longer than I expected. After wandering around Monaco, I finally recognize the building. The doorman greets me as I enter.
'Bonjour madame, can I help you?' He asks politely if I need any help, which I do. 'I'm looking for Charles Leclerc. I'd like to speak to him.' The man doesn't let me finish, adjusting his tie, giving me a more serious look. Maybe he thinks I'm just a fan. 'Mr. Leclerc isn't here at the moment. Who's looking for him?' I hadn't considered that I might not find him.
Why does it always have to be so complicated?
'An old friend.' He probably doesn't believe me, his annoyance evident. 'If you'd like, I can tell Mr. Leclerc you wished to speak with him.' It's clear he wants me to leave, not waste any more of his time.
'Could you just tell him I'm sorry? My name is Céline.'
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AGAIN || MAYBE IN ANOTHER LIFE
Fiksi Penggemar'I don't want to see him, I can't. I could never look him in the eyes again, because all I'd think about is how it was all my fault.' Two years. That's the time Céline has spent away from home. A few hours. A few hours in the big metropolis to chang...
