Such a Good Girl | the original

18 | two broken hearts

Tears were streaming down my cheeks the entire way out of his penthouse. No matter how many times I would say I didn't love him, I knew I did. Which scared me. I'm scared of opening up, or feelings. He probably thought I hated him, and even if I tried I never could.

Cain had become my light of the day, in such a short time, which made me nearly shake my boots. I'd never felt like this with anyone, not even my mother, and now I had to walk away from the only man I'd ever loved.

He said it first. The words I thought no one would ever tell me, and mean them. That explains why he got so mad that day in the bathroom, where we shared our first kiss. I just wanted to attack his soft face with kisses, and tell him I love him too.

I knew this was our goodbye. I'd never get to see Cain again, which relieved me and made my heart break into a million crumbles. The fact that Cain thinks I hate him, makes tears blur my sight.

I never would've thought I would ever go through a heartbreak. I never thought anyone would love me enough for me to feel the heartbreak, but someone did. Cain did.

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c a i n
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I watched her walk out of the penthouse, her back turned to me. I felt numb. I couldn't even cry if I wanted to. I knew I would never get to see her again, and the thought broke my heart. I said it first.

And she didn't love me back.

She hated me, and it's all my fault. I actually opened up to her and showed her my vulnerable side, and she didn't feel the same. I didn't lie when I told her she's the first that's ever made me feel like this.

Before I met her, my heart felt empty, but Violette Miller changed that. She changed me. I didn't even feel like luring her mother out of hiding, I didn't even feel like meeting Violette. Before her everything was grey and dull.

But when I saw her hazel eyes in that classroom. I knew she would be the death of me. Or her small giggles, and her stutters. The pink leather straps she always wore under her skirts, and her shoulder-length hair.

And when that Megan girl kept nagging on her and I got mad acting like I wasn't the one lying to her this entire time. I was mad at myself, I am mad at myself for ever letting her go. I wanted to hold her a little longer and smother her with kisses.

I just wanted her to forget all about the mafia, and me being the don. I wanted her to love me back. I just wanted to be loved. And I knew only she could make me feel loved. I didn't have any right to demand anything from her yet, my heart ached for her.

At least I told her before she got to leave my life. I would never in a million years let her go if the circumstances were di"erent. But they aren't. I'm a mafia boss. She's a flower that would wither if she saw all the cruel actions that follow along being the don.

Maybe this was better. Her living her life, forgetting she ever met me, and me hunting Esmeralda down, without the use of Violette. Maybe this was the right decision. I know I'll never forget her, but maybe if I try to convince myself all it was, was sexual lust I'll forget her.

You lied to me.

Her words broke my heart all over again. I did. I lied to her, for my own benefit. I was selfish, cold, and hard towards her at first. And she managed to make me so!. She managed to make me forget the actual purpose of our relationship.

She's too pure to be with me. I killed Megan without hesitating, and Violette nearly had a heart attack hearing that. The way I killed Megan was the most merciful way I've ever taken another person's life.

A bullet to the head. No pain, no time to react, no tears. Yet Violette thought of me as a monster and I couldn't even blame her for it. "You told her, didn't you?" I heard the voice of a man ask and my gaze stalked towards the doorway.

"Yes."

"Why the hell would you tell her?" Lucifer said, watching his tone. Lucifer is my father and the underboss. He decides stuff with me, but in the end, I make the decision. Why did I tell her?

"She deserved to know," I said, not moving my gaze from his furious expressions.

"And what about Esmeralda? How long has she been sending her men after us, to get to Violette? What if they get to her, and take her to her mother, hm?" Lucifer sneered, rubbing his temple.

"Esmeralda won't come Violette."

"How the fuck would you know!"

"She doesn't care about her. She only wanted me dead, that's the reason I used Violette. I knew it would bring her out of hiding," I said disgusted by my own words.

"What now? What if Violette tells someone?"

"No one will believe her. Plus, she has no one to tell."

I looked at Lucifer, whose eyes widened a little, his facade dropping. I needed to stop sugarcoating her. I needed to forget her and bury my feelings. I wouldn't react to them and go running back to her like some teenage boy.

"Son, it's okay to fall in love you know?"

"I don't love her. I used her and told her the truth. I couldn't care less about her," I lied through my teeth. I don't want to fall in love with a girl that doesn't love me back, and even if she did she would beat herself up for falling in love with a lie.

"Cain, I heard what you said."

"I said I don't fucking love her! She could die tonight, and I wouldn't show a care in the world, because I don't! I don't care..." I whispered the last part, before dropping my gaze on the carpeted floor.

"We should get going, son," Lucifer said, and I nodded my head walking towards the weapons. Grabbing two 9-millimeters, and putting them in my dress pants, I walked out of the base, my last memories with Violette saved here.

Lucifer walked in front of me, as I walked through the cold penthouse, feeling void inside. All the things we've made here. I had to give up on her, for the sake of her & me. It would break her if we got together and she saw all the things I do on a daily basis.

"The Russians got to the warehouse. Nikolas asked me to tell you," Lucifer said, as we stood in the elevator. I couldn't care less if some filthy Russians had stolen my drugs.

"Take care of it."

"Where are you going?"

I sighed, as I walked towards my own car. I didn't answer him, I just got in and waited for Lucifer to drive away. Looking to my side, I looked down at the passenger seat, where Violette always would sit, fumbling with her fingers.

"Fuck this shit," I said to myself, as I roared the car to life, speeding down the busy street. I remembered exactly the address she gave me after I took her out to ice cream. Pulling up to her house, I saved no time kicking the door open.

Her house was a mess. It smelled like trash, and on the couch was a sleeping piece of shit. I marched over to him and pulled my gun out aiming it at his temple. He woke up as the cold metal cooled his forehead.

Terror filled his eyes, as he slowly got up from the couch, my gun still aimed at him.

"You're Josh?" I asked, and he nodded his head frantically. A smirk crept up on my lips, which caused his head to cock to the side in confusion.

"I'll see you in hell." His body dropped to the floor, blood pooling out of his forehead. If I was going to leave her, I would at least make sure she is safe and can sleep without the fear of dying.

I might not get to see her again, but I'll make her living on earth as safe as possible, even if it means I have to die for her. I'll promise her that.