The Captain's Armband

35. Rollercoaster - Part 2

"Dani? What are you doing? You're late!"
Fuck! I start to run towards the others and I'm just in time to walk with them to the pitch.
I take a deep breath. I don't know what to do. Do I try and talk to Leah? Do I leave her alone for now? And what about Russo? Fuck. Russo. I hurt her too. Ok, Football. Focus on football and deal with this after the match. I take a deep breath again. The national anthems are done and we all take position. I haven't looked at anyone yet. I close my eyes for a second, I have to switch off my emotions, they are all over the place. We all take the knee and right after that, the match starts.
I look over to Leah, she has her game face on and there isn't anything that indicates there is something wrong. Good, I don't want her to be distracted because of me.
We start off by pressuring Northern Ireland immediately. Within minutes I can take my first shot at goal, I hit the bar with venom, and the ball is punched away by the keeper, making it a corner.
Leah is walking to the 6-yard box. She hasn't looked at me once and I can't blame her.
The ball comes flying in and I jump to head it at goal, the ball goes straight into the keepers hands.
I scream because it's another chance wasted. Leah walks away while shaking her head.
One of Northern Ireland needs treatment so we run up to the bench to get something to drink.
"Keep your focus Dani." Sarina says to me.
I nod, letting her know I heard her.
"Don't forget to breathe." Georgia says while patting me on the shoulder.
I smile at her. My eyes are looking for Leah, she is talking with Keira. I run back to my position.
Breathe Dani. Focus on the ball, you can do this, I tell myself. The match restarts and we continue where we left off. We are dominant in possession. I take a shot from outside the penalty box and for the second time this game I hit the frame of the goal, the shot was pretty good so it does give me the confidence to keep on trying.
It's halftime and the score is still 0-0. I feel so frustrated. We enter the dressing room and we all get a drink. Russo takes a seat next to me but she isn't talking to me. Sarina is giving us instructions.
"We are so close to a goal, keep on pushing. It has to go in eventually." Are the last words she says before we run back out.

Here we go, second half. Hemp and I have both tried to take a shot at goal, all shots are blocked by their defense. I try another shot from a distance, this one goes just wide. I start to scream. FUCK!
I know Sarina is gonna make some changes soon and I don't want to be taken off with a 0-0 score.
I get the ball from Keira, perfectly timed through pass, I start to run towards goal and without even looking I take my shot and the ball goes in the top corner, I double-check to see if it's really in the back of the net. I can't believe it, I scream from the top of my lungs and I fall down to my knees, all my emotions come out and tears start to run down my face. Hemp, Georgia and Rachel jump on top of me, making us all lie down in the grass.
"YOU DID IT!" Hemp screams while holding my face in her hands, she can clearly see my emotions running free. We get up and Hemp hugs me. I look over to Leah but she isn't coming my way to congratulate me. The game quickly changes after my goal. The 2-0 is made within minutes.
Leah gets a clash of heads with a midfielder from Northern Ireland, the game is stopped immediately since they are both on the ground. My first instinct is to run to Leah, I want to know if she is all right.
All of a sudden I feel a hand touching my chest, keeping me from moving forward.
"Don't even think about it." It's Keira, she looks so angry.
I look at her and I don't even know what to say.
"I don't know exactly what happened but you should leave her alone for now, ok?"
I nod and with tears in my eyes I walk back to my position. I do keep my eye on Leah, luckily both of them stand up quickly and all seems to be okay. The game continues. We keep pushing, making their defense tired. I come running from the wing, with the ball, and a defender comes in with a hard tackle, missing the ball and hitting me on my ankle. I fall to the ground, screaming in pain. The defender gets booked and the medical staff comes running toward me. Hemp is sitting next to me.
"I think it's best we take you off, just to be sure." The medical staff says as they make a substitute gesture toward Sarina. This is not how I wanted my starting debut to end but I do feel like I've given it my all. They help me get up and we leave the pitch, the crowd is clapping and cheering for me. I take a seat on the bench and get an ice pack for my ankle. God. What a day. Tears starting to slowly fall down my cheek again, my emotions are all over. I feel so happy, so blessed with my starting debut and at the same time I feel so angry and so sad about Leah and Russo. I feel stupid and proud at the same time. I don't know how to deal with all of this.
"Are you okay?" I hear a soft voice asking. I look up and I see Russo looking concerned.
I take a deep breath. "Yes. No. I don't know."
Without answering Russo looks straight forward again, focusing on the game. I don't know how to act. I don't know what to say. Physio is taking a seat next to me.
"How is the ankle?"
"Starting to hurt more."
"Adrenaline is starting to wear off so that makes sense. I think it's best we go inside and check on it."
I nod and stumble inside. I need to get my phone so I can let my dad and aunt know I'm okay.
"I really need my phone."
"First things first, we need to check your ankle."
I sigh and take a seat on the treatment table and they start performing tests.
We hear a knock on the door.
"Come in." The therapist says.
Can it be....? I look at the door, hoping for Leah but it's not her. It's Hemp.
"How are you doing mate?"
"I'm okay mate. What a game!!"
"I KNOW! We killed it! And you scored!"
"I sure did." I say with a big smile on my face.
"Should be fine. Keep a close eye on it and come see us in the morning." The therapist says.
"I will. Thanks!"
Hemp supports me as we walk back to the dressing room.