My Darkest Illusion | Death Note

Chapter 8

"I know who sexually assaulted you. It was Kira." L told him, looking at him in the eye. Light looked at him as well, his eyes starting to well up with tears and he held his hand, stroking it softly and kissing it. Light cried onto L's arms and he frowned, knowing he doesn't have to hide this anymore any longer than he has been doing for the past several weeks. Months even.

"I don't know what to do, Lawliet. He's in my dreams all the time and he even left a scar on my stomach." Light sobbed, lifting his shirt slightly and L placed his fingers in the scars and gasped, breathing heavily and kissed them, laying his hand on these marks.

"Light, I'm so sorry for everything that happened when we started working together. I really assumed you were Kira and ever since then, it's been on my mind until we started our friendship and relationship afterwards." L sobbed as well, crying profusely as he really felt awful now.

"I forgive you, Lawliet. I'm sorry for not speaking up on my rape. I'm just not in a good mindset." He forgave him and they both cried a lot.

"I guess I'll have to let the Task Force know. I may no longer be the world's greatest detective anymore, but I sure as hell can't keep this to myself as well." He told him, wiping his eyes.

"Why did you quit?" Light asked, wondering why the sudden realization in his tone of voice.

"Kira is dead." He simply said, which made Light genuinely upset to hear that. But he was also happy because this could mean he doesn't have to hide in fear anymore and killings have stopped because of him."Light, I know you don't want to tell anyone else this, but if you don't do so, you're going to get nightmares more and will still have to see your therapist. I want you to tell our family and the Task Force this, okay? It's not healthy what you're doing and I don't want you to kill yourself." L placed his hand on his shoulder and he nodded finally.

"Yes." He answered truthfully, crying some more and did so for the rest of the night. The next few months went by normally.

Light was slowly getting better and he spoke to his family, his therapist and the Task Force about Kira and what he did to him and everything that has happened since then. They knew about his nightmares and him not sleeping as well as his constant cries, but they didn't know about his rape and his wounds from them, along with his scars. He started crying and blaming himself for this happening and everyone confronted him, telling him it wasn't his fault in the first place.

"Light, I need to say something else to you. The day Soichiro and I found you, I suspected someone bashed you because you're gay. I know it's a different situation, but I really thought that and I'm sorry." L told him, holding his hand.

"I accept your apology, L. You didn't know either." Light sniffed, kissing his cheek and hugged him, wiping his tears from his eyes. Everyone was happy to see that he's finally moving on and his therapist congratulated him too. That very same day, L looked at his empty shelf and Light placed his hands around his shoulders.

"Light, what happened to my awards and certificates?" L whimpered, tears flowing from his dark eyes.

"They are in headquarters now." He told him, reminding him how he decided to give up as a detective.

"N-no." He stuttered, bawling and hugged him, thinking there was no way he did that. Watari came back from the grocery store and greeted Light and L. L went to the deck and started crying there.

"What's wrong with L?" He asked Light, placing the groceries down and started layering them out and placing them to where they belong, except for the ingredients for lunch and dinner.

"He forgot that he doesn't want to be a detective anymore." He told him, which he knew already and went to L. Watari then found him sitting on the dream catcher chair as he was crying right now. He looked at him and L looked at him back, getting up as he continued crying some more and hugged Watari.

"It's okay, L. I know you're deeply upset right now and it's alright. You're very welcome to have your awards and certificates back inside whenever you want." He assured him, rubbing his back.

"That's just it, Watari. I don't know what I was thinking when I said I don't want to be a detective anymore. That made me realize I would look stupid. Stupider than I ever am, in fact." He sobbed, his eyes all red and puffy.

"L, you're not stupid. We say and do things we don't mean all the time, but it doesn't make you necessarily stupid. It means you were in self doubt with yourself." He confronted him, explaining to him about this. Once L was done crying and feeling somewhat better, he then decided that it is indeed better if he does have his achievements in headquarters after all and he was happier with that. Plus, it gave him the right opportunity to get rid of his shelf he's been using as he doesn't have a use for it. Even though he does read non fiction books after all. It has been nearly half a year, Light was sleeping peacefully and L was still awake, holding his hand and making sure he was sleeping. So far, he hasn't screamed as this was important for him to do so and as part of his ongoing recovery, he needs a good sleep without any fear or nightmares of Kira.

Three hours have passed by and L had fallen asleep. "Kira...Kira, stop it...I said no...NO!!!" Light murmured in his sleep and then screamed, getting up as he felt his heart thumping. Watari immediately woke up and went to check up on the light brown haired 20 year old.

"Light, you're having another nightmare of Kira. It's going to be okay." He confronted him as he was crying again. Light continued to cry, even as far as in 4 in the morning. By 7 am, Light was sleep deprived as he was crying all night. He drank some coffee, while looking down in sadness.

"Good morning, L. You and Light aren't going to work today. L, I spoke to your boss about it and he agreed that you can get a day off as you do work harder than everyone else in the job itself." Watari informed L this and he nodded. Ever since L stopped working as a detective, he became a fast food worker instead at Shake Shack and he liked it because he enjoyed food a lot. But sweets will be there for him and always.

"Thanks, Watari." He thanked him, eating his breakfast, which was a breakfast burrito and he LOVES them. Light wasn't eating anything as he cried a lot again. He did so all night and still is doing so. That morning, Light didn't say anything and L looked at him. He was spacing out and not saying anything. "Light, are you okay?" L asked him, looking deeply into his eyes. He looked at him and shook his head no. L placed his hands on his shoulders and he saw L as Kira and started trembling uncontrollably.

"Don't touch me, Kira!!!" He screamed, crying again and ran off. He started locking himself in the bathroom and cried onto the shower.

"Light, please come on out. I'm sorry, please don't cry." L said as he knocked the door, worried about him as he is crying more than ever.

"Go away!!!" He exclaimed, wanting L to leave him alone so he can cry in misery. He didn't know what to do as this was hard for him to even be alive now. L stood by the door, listening to Light's cries. After a few minutes, Light was still crying and L needed to leave the apartment. He did so and went to headquarters. When he got there, he noticed it slightly different.

Meanwhile, Light was crying still and looked at the blade, contemplating if he should commit suicide or not. He took the blade and breathed heavily, fighting back more of his tears and started cutting his right wrist deeply, sobbing. When he saw that the blood was getting more apparent, he tried to wash it out with water and more blood kept coming out and he breathed out, screaming. Light was feeling his eyes shutting down from the amount of blood he is losing. He kept breathing in a rapid pace some more until they became shallow and he passed out in the shower, soaking wet.