A Year of Jubilee [The Death Note Fanfic]

Chapter 12

It was hard for Jubilee to look L in the eyes during work the next day.

L, the man who, as it turned out, was an orphan just like her.

What are you, a trust fund baby? The cruel words ran through her mind over and over again. And, even worse, Did your mother never teach you manners?

The man never had a mother. Never even got to meet her.

Jubilee closed her eyes as shame swept over her once again. No wonder he hadn't answered her. What was a wonder though, was how graciously he had ignored her provocations.

I am such a jerk.

"Tiramisu, my dear?" offered Watari's kind voice from beside her.

She opened her eyes to find a plate of sweet dessert being held out to her. One of L's favorites, she had learned from one of the old man's anecdotes last night.

"Thank you," she said quietly, taking the plate. Then, under her breath, she muttered, "Give some extra to Ryuzaki for me, would you?"

The old man smiled broadly and nodded in acquiescence before walking away, pushing his cart of refreshments ahead of him.

Jubilee ate a spoonful of the treat before setting it down on the desk and turning back to her computer, to watch yet another security footage video. The image of various humans, angels and demons meandering about, none of whom she recognized, filled the screen. She fast-forwarded through the video, feeling almost bored. Taking another bite from her plate, she briefly wondered just how censored her vision was these days...for while she seemed to be able to see relatively clearly when it came to video footage, she didn't always see so clearly in her immediate environment. Perhaps Dad knew that there was only so much she could handle without becoming overwhelmed.

The sweetness of the cake penetrated her senses for a moment, along with a dim, faint voice: Jubilee...Jubilee...

She snapped to attention and cast her gaze around, willing herself to still her mind. Slowly but surely Hellenos' form came into view beside her. He cocked his head at her and sighed.

Can you hear me now? he said, mimicking the old cell phone commercials.

Yes, she thought. Sorry.

Are you?

Yes! she thought. I think all I'm ever feeling these days is sorry.

That's the problem, he tsked. Conviction is one thing...but how long will you keep guilt-tripping yourself, Jubilee? You were given new eyes to see so that you could be set free.

"I feel terrible," she murmured under her breath. "About all the things I've said to him." And all the things I've thought about him. Things like how he was strange, a freak, and repulsive-looking. "I can't help but feel sorry."

Why don't you tell him that?

She was silent.

The angel sighed once more. Jubilee—

Because maybe I'm a coward, she admitted at last in her mind. And maybe I can't get over my own pride, no matter how hard I try. She glanced over at the detective who was sitting, crouched as usual, in his chair. He probably doesn't even remember all the things I said.

But you do. The angel looked at her pointedly. The point isn't to do this just for him, it's also to do this for you.