A Year of Jubilee [The Death Note Fanfic]

Chapter 31

Wind whipped at Jubilee's hair as she stood on the roof of the building, panting from the exertion of running to catch up with the others. Before her sat a helicopter, it's blades whirring. Watari was in the pilot's seat, and Light and L were climbing into the passenger seats.

Jubilee stared at the helicopter, then glanced at the open night air all around them and gulped as a sudden sense of vertigo hit her. The loud reverberations of the helicopter, coupled with the the cold night air and the tense energy surrounding her, made her head throb once more. L's thoughts, still whirling visibly above his head and audibly through the air like the chopper's blades, seemed to collide with the distressed yellow around Light and the echo of Misa's pink and oily tinge from downstairs. The pain in her head increased and she winced, but bravely took a step forward to join the others. When she reached the helicopter, however, she suddenly gasped and stumbled before catching herself, then shook her head.

"I can't," she said, her breathing shallow. "I don't know if I—" She glanced frantically around herself , at the skyscrapers surrounding them and the dark night sky. The sight made her feel even dizzier than before and she put a hand against the helicopter to steady herself. "I...was never very good with heights, but...this is..." She broke off, squeezing her eyes shut and clenching her teeth against the dull ache in her cranium. Forcing herself to take a deep breath, she looked up again into L's gray eyes. "I think I'm overwhelmed," she whispered to him helplessly, barely able to grasp onto her thoughts as the physical and mental noise all around her roared through her mind.

L assessed her calmly. "You will feel better once you're inside the helicopter," he stated matter-of-factly.

She began to shake her head again. "No—" she began, before another wave of pain hit her, worse than any migraine she'd ever had. She bent over, clutching her head in her hands. "I—I—it's too much," she stuttered incoherently. "I see...too much, and...and..." Images of Higuchi's red eyes, the purple-haired demon, the black notebook, the roar of the chopper's blades and everyone's screaming thoughts assaulted her mind. Her brain felt like it was going to short circuit. She babbled on, "I hear everything, everyone's fears and thoughts and doubts, and..." She gave a sudden weak and slightly hysterical laugh. "And I'm afraid of heights, and..." She winced again, tightening her grip on her skull. "My head..." she whispered through the haze of pain, unable to think straight. "Is...killing me..."

A hand suddenly rested on the top of her head. Her senses stabilized ever so slightly. Taking a deep breath she looked up again, expecting to detect Hellenos, but instead she saw that it was L who had reached out and placed a hand over her head.

"Miss Amachi," he said quietly, but still loudly enough to be heard over the helicopter. "I know that it feels hard right now—perhaps more than I can know or even relate to. But," he continued, his gray eyes holding her gaze steadily, "You must remember that you do not have to be enslaved to how you are feeling. That, however challenging it may be now, is only temporary. I promise you can have all the rest you need when we get back, but this task right now, this moment, is critical. And you need to be there for it."

For a moment she wanted to shout at him, to scream at his utter lack of compassion for the state she was in. But she felt the warmth of his hand on her hair and saw the straight line over his head, and knew that the opposite was true. That he was showing her compassion—but that he also had the boldness to push her past her pain and her problem, rather than commiserate with her in them. Even so, Jubilee felt her courage and fortitude failing.

"No," she said, shaking her head again. It still hurt, though not as badly as before. She was suddenly eager to get off this roof, out of this roaring wind, and away from this whole situation for a little while. "You don't need me there. Your plan is perfect. Go on without me—"