Let me help. (A Siva Kaneswaran story)

Chapter 8

Nyx's pov:

Siva just left me in the room alone with Jay. He looked at me with curiosity. I walked back over to the bed.

"Let me do the touching. Please don't touch me." I tell him. He nods his head and looks in my eyes.

I touched his face first. He closed his eyes as I touched his face. I straddled his legs. He opened his eyes. I then started to touch his arms. They were large like Siva's. I rolled up the sleeve to his right arm. I saw a lizard tattoo. I started to get a little scared, but I knew that he wasn't going to hurt me. I hope.

I continued by touching his chest. He started to move away from me.

"Um, Nyx, I think that you are really cute and all, but Seev would kill me if I let this continue." He sounded really shaky.

"Relax, I did this with Nathan. Well not as much, because I am not nearly as afraid of him as I am with you." I confess to him. I continued with what I was doing. I got to his pants and he started to freak.

"Nyx, please. Don't, I don't want Seev to kill me." He said again.

"Please, Jay, I am not going to give you a blow job. I am just trying to not be as afraid of you." I tell him. I then got off of him and sit next to him.

"Is that it?" He looked relieved that it was over.

"Yeah, that's it. I hope that you didn't think that it was too awkward." Siva then entered the room with two plate of eggs.

"Are the two of you cool?" He asked.

"Yeah, we are good." I tell him. Jay got off of the bed and walked to the door.

"Two questions: am I allowed to talk about this? And who are you the most afraid of?" Jay stood in the door way. Siva set the plates on a nightstand.

"Please don't talk about this. The answer to the second question is, Max." I told him. I am pretty sure that my answer surprised both Siva and Jay. He nodded and left the room.

Siva handed me a plate of eggs. We ate in silence. After our plates were done, I took his plate and stacked it on mine. I set them near the door and walked back to Siva.

"I want to be totally comfortable with you. So I have an idea." I tell him. I don't know how he is going to take this. So I mentally prepare for any answer.

"Okay, what do you want to do?" He looked really interested.

"I want you to know why I am like this. But I want you to ask the questions." I tell him. He looks at me.

"I think that is a great idea. But is it okay if we get Nathan in here? I know that he cares about you too." He looked so innocent. I walked back over to the plates and picked them up.

"I will go and get him. I will be back." With that, I left the room and headed to the kitchen.

When I arrived in the kitchen, I saw Jay, Nathan, and Tom sitting at a small table. I set the plate in the sink and walked over to them.

"Hey, Nathan, Siva and I want to talk to you. Is that okay?" Nathan looks at me with a surprised look. He then got up.

"Thats fine. Let me get some more tea." He walked over to the stove and made some tea. I watched him. He then looked at me and gestured for me to lead the way. As I turned around, i bumped into Max.

I freaked out. I couldn't help it. He scared me. Both in that moment and in general. I screamed and hid my face. I then dropped to my knees.

"Please, don't hurt me." I whispered over and over quickly.

"Nyx, whats wrong?" I heard Max say to me. Then I felt Jay's body against mine. I am so glad that I had decided to touch his chest.

"Nyx, you are going to have to get up and play it off like nothing. Or you are going to make me tell the boys what is going on." Jay whispered into my ear.

"Tell them, because I can't get up. I am too scared to. Is he angry?" I felt the tears coming.

"No, he is just confused." He told me before he let go of me. I looked around the room. All the boys were looking at me. Then Siva ran in. I got up and ran over to him. I got him to stand in front of me.

"Nyx has a sketchy past. She won't tell us what exactly happened. But what we do know is that she does not like to be touched. She is also afraid of us. More some than others." Jay said it all elegantly. I then stepped forward.

"Please forgive me. I don't mean to be like this." I tell them. Max looks at me. He has tears in his eyes.

"I will try to be more careful with you. Can you forgive me?" He says. I nodded at him.

"Okay, well, let's go talk." Nathan said. He led the way to Siva's bed room. I held Siva's hand from the kitchen all the way into his room. Siva and I say down on his bed and Nathan sat down on the floor.

"What are we going to talk about?" Nathan asks. I look at Siva and he nods for me to continue.

"I want to tell, the both of you, why I am like this. But I want you guys to ask the questions." Nathan looks around the room. Siva grabs my hand and I pulled away. When I realized what I had done, i moved closer to Siva and grabbed his hand.

"Okay, what happened to you?" Nathan broke the silence. I looked at him.

"I was abused." I told them.

"By who?" Siva squeezed my hand and looked at me when he said that.

"My father." I felt the tears coming out.

"Where was your mother?" Nathan then hopped onto the bed.

"She tried to protect me, but she died when I was 10." I felt the tears coming. Then I felt a presence in the room. I looked around and saw that house spirit with my mother.

"She wanted to be here for you." The house spirit told me. I nodded.

"What did he do to you?" Siva's voice broke me out of my trance.

"He first would beat me. Then he got the idea to 'treat me like a woman'." I felt a tear fall down my face.

"What do you mean?" Nathan then put his hand on my knee. I didn't move.

"He let his friends and their sons touch me and a lot of the time, they would pay money to fuck me." I didn't know any other way to put it. I looked up at Siva, he had his free hand pinching the bridge to his nose. Then i looked over at Nathan, he had his mouth covered with both hands.

"Why? Why would he do that?" I heard anger in Siva'a voice.

"Siva, you know why. I don't think I am ready to tell Nathan that." I tell Siva.

"Tell him." Is all that Siva said.

"He did it because, I see ghosts. He thought I was doing it on purpose. So it was sort of like a punishment." Nathan had tears in his eyes. I was confused. Why would he be crying? I jdon't understand these men sometimes.

"I believe you. Is it okay if I give you a hug?" He asked. I looked at him and nodded. He leaned over towards me and gave me hug. I wasn't afraid of him, so I hugged him back.

"Why aren't you afraid of me?" He whispered as he hugged me. I pushed him back.

"The younger boys never hurt me. They bandaged me, cleaned me, and convinced the men to leave me alone when I went into the closet." I felt Siva touch my shoulder.

"I think that is enough for today." He said. I saw tears in his eyes again.

"Is it okay if I tell the boys this?" Nathan the got off of the bed. I thought about it for a while. I decided that it would be best if they knew.

"Yes, it is okay. Please tell them, Nathan." I told him before he left the room.