Il dono della vita | Måneskin

Chapter 1: To Love Forever

Victoria's POV

I look at her walking down the aisle, accompanied by her father. She's smiling under her veil. I notice how her eyes shine with happy tears and, at the sight, I cry too.

I'm shaken up with terrifying old emotions that tackle my body. I'm trying not to let it show, just like I hadn't let myself show what I felt when we parted ways and the beginning of the end started.

For as hard as I try to keep playing the pretender's part, I know I'm being read like an open book by them. When I woke up this morning, I struggled to mentally prepare myself for this encounter, yet there was no way I could get ready to see the most important part of my past sitting next to me.

I look at him. His hands, the first thing that I notice, playing with the rings which are adorning his fingers. Damiano is wearing a black, perfectly tailored, suit that wraps around his thin body in the most lavished way. His hair is finally reaching his cheekbones. He's nervously biting his lips, looking at our dear friend Leo, the only common connection we still have. He lowers his gaze and, briefly connects it with mine, but I quickly turn my head towards the couple that we're here to celebrate.

I would've given everything I had for him — this thought stays in my head as I'm watching my best friend tie his life with the woman he loves. A part of my heart broke when I last saw him and he carried it with him until this day. I kept my promise too, because I know that I would say yes to everything he'd ask me even now. The stress and pressure got to him and I knew he was spiraling, even though he always kept it to himself. He thought that the best decision was to part ways and, in order to make him okay, I blindly agreed to everything he asked.

I take my tissue and dry the tears that are now streaming down my cheeks, as quickly as I can, not letting my strong girl façade break. I feel Ethan's touch on my shoulder, who's sat behind me, trying to tell me that it's okay. I look at him and smile.

"Weddings make me emotional I guess," I whisper to him — he probably knows I'm the most affected today.

I move my gaze back at the couple and listen to their vows: "I promise to love you forever," says Leo.

"I'll love you forever," whispers Damiano in my ear, holding me in his arms, before leaving a kiss on my neck.

"I pledge to always catch you before you stumble, and lift you over every threshold," continues the groom, taking the bride's hands into his.

"I'll always be there to catch you when you fall," he reassures me after I'm brought back to reality from my worst panic attack yet.

I gather all the courage I have left and turn my gaze to look at him, only to find him wiping away his tears. "All my life possessions are yours," now it was the bride's turn to vow.

"Move in with me," my smile reaches my ears when I hear his words. We are laying naked, tangled in between the sheets of his bed, after swearing each other love.

That should've been us, things were supposed to turn out differently. Damiano and I would've been the ones getting married today, the band would've been together, I would've been happy.

"You may now kiss the bride," everyone stands up cheering on the newlyweds, clapping and drying their happy tears. I stand up too, only to try and make my way out of the room as soon as I can, since I feel the walls coming closer and closer, ready to crash me.

When I'm outside I take a deep breath and make my shaky hands look through my purse for a cigarette and my silver lighter. I feel a brief relief when I find my dose of tobacco and nicotine and hurry to light it, inhaling the smoke which provides me a sedative feeling. They're probably taking pictures inside. I don't want to be captured and remember this moment forever. I decide to remain outside, enjoying my peace and quiet after the universe decided to test me today.

"Do you have a cigarette?"

You have to be kidding me. I move my gaze and there he is, standing up in front of me — the man who appeared equally in my dreams and nightmares, the man who gave me everything but took it all away from me at the same time.

"Yes, yes," I stutter nervously, looking once again through my purse for another cigarette.

When I find one, I hand it to him, our hands making contact when he takes it and, for that short moment, the world seems to stop. I look into his dark brown eyes which mirror his soul. It seems like he's telling me so many things that I can't quite understand.

This is my chance to take a better look at him and his expression, the dark circles under his eyes, the no longer existing sparkle in his irises, his much thinner complexion, how he is nervously bitting the inside of his mouth constantly and how he changed his mood when he approached me.

I don't really plan on saying anything to him, maybe it's not right but my brain isn't capable of finding the right words. I want to remain here and chat, ask him how he's doing, yet I can't open up the vault with the feelings I have locked inside me such a long time ago. I decide to leave, and, just when I turn around, he grabs my wrist gently.

"Wait, Vic..."