A Week with Katherine

Diary Entry #5

Dear Jamie,

I've been writing in this journal for a long time but after meeting you I think I've finally figured out who I've been writing to.

Not in an i-actually-expect-him-to-read-this type of way. But more of an if-I-could-tell-him-everything-this-is-what-I'd-say way.

Not to sound too dramatic, but I think meeting you might actually change my life. And, it's terrifies me but it's a really really good type of terrified. I don't know if that makes any sense, but that's how I feel.

You once asked me why I chose you. To be honest, I don't have some deep reason. I wish I did.

You were there and you were new. Still untouched by all the bullshit.

And, for that, I am actually sorry for dragging you into the mess that is me.

But as sorry as I am, I don't regret you. And, trust me, I regret a lot.

I say all that to confess that I think I like you and that terrifies me too but in the opposite of a really really good way.

It's been a long time since I've made the mistake of liking anyone. And, I hope that you'll be different.

Even with all the hope in the world I can't help but worry eventually you'll start to see me the same way that everyone else does.

When I saw Bridget, Sara, and Andrew with you in the hall this morning I thought I was gonna have a panic attack.

You said you didn't believe whatever it is they told you about me, and it didn't sound very convincing, but I hope it was the truth.

After that, I considered letting you go and walking away from whatever we were becoming. I thought it would be better to lose you before I got too attached but now I think it's too late for that.

You have no idea how happy it made me that you called after me.

Happy honestly feels like an understatement.

With one simple action, you made me feel like there is actually someone in the world that cares about me and wants me around. And, I'm so glad that someone is you.

Maybe it's wishful thinking since I don't know how it is that you feel, but I hope that its at least a fraction of how I do.

If you hadn't turned away when you did while we were in the tree house, I might have kissed you.

I think it was at that moment that I realized how much whatever it is we have really means to me.

With you it's like I'm not drowning anymore, I'm floating.

You're the first person I feel like I could really tell everything to. And, eventually, I think I will. I just need time.

I don't want to rush into the truth.  Because, if I did I think you'd be the one that's terrified.

I just need a little time so I hope you stick around till then.

I can't wait to see you tomorrow.

Hopeful,

Kat

Ps: I hope you like waffles.