𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐑𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐞𝐩

the diet

TW: eating disorder/ anorexia + mentions of calories, weight (no numbers) and dieting.
Also I've decided to change the story rating to mature, since there will be graphic content!!

Also, I've decided to change Elliot's job (he used to study to be a real estate agent) but now he's going to be in his final year for studying to be a physiologist/ therapist. I just thought it would be more relevant and add to the plot a bit more!! 

I hope you enjoy reading 💟

The night goes by slowly, I lay on my bed. Staring at the ceiling, blasting endless music through my headphones, blocking out the thoughts that surround my mind.

I look over to my bedside table and pick up my phone, 1:37 am. The last time I looked it was 11:20pm. The evening after dinner was pretty boring, we just huddled around in our living room? The elder brothers doing work and the rest of us watching tv.

I decide to not waste my time and stare at the ceiling mindlessly and put my plan to practice.

Pulling the duvet cover off me, I quietly tiptoe across to my desk and pull out an empty notebook.

I grab a plain black pen and tiptoe back across to my bed, pulling the covers over my body halfway. I sit cross legged on my bed as I turn my gentle lamp on, providing just enough light.

Thankfully, I shut my door, so no light will be escaping the room and no one will see me, if someone went to the bathroom; although most of my older brothers have an en-suite. It's just me and my 3 younger - older brothers that share mostly.

I open the notebook, landing the first page, which I skip. I always do, just incase someone will open the notebook they will see that there's nothing on the first page and presume the whole things empty; then they won't bother to look through and just put it back.

I turn the next page and decide to title it, diet journal. I will record everything I eat, which in my mind I'm hoping won't be a lot, so hopefully it will mostly just be my weight recordings and how much exercise I do.

This isn't going to work, nothing will make you change, you're going to be stuck as your fat self who is useless and a slut no one likes.

Attempting to brush the thoughts away, I turn to the next page and decide to log the day thats just been, titling it "day one".

Original, right?

I record the amount I've eaten, around half a portion of spaghetti and meatballs. Too much. I need to control myself.

I think that was it.

Amount of exercise:
-cheerleading tryouts (1 hour)

That's it. I'm not going to get a nice toned stomach or small thighs with that am I? I'm going to start doing actual workouts at home too.

After recording a boring entry, I shut the notebook and hide it down the side of my bed, sandwiched in between the bed frame and walk, but down enough so it's completely invisible to anyone who were to look.

I decide to turn my headphones off and lay down, continuing to stare at the ceiling, hoping I can drift off to sleep.

Let's hope you never wake up..

I wanna wake up. If I didn't, it would mean I wouldn't have to bother my brothers anymore or bother will all this dieting. I just simply wouldn't exist. Tempting, but no. I can't, I wouldn't.

I toss and turn for a couple of minutes before peeling my eyes open to notice the sun hasn't even risen yet.

I don't even think my alarms gone off yet, great.