𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐑𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐞𝐩

another rule broken

Hiyaaaaaa! I hope you guys enjoy the chapter + song, please make sure to check the TWs before reading - j x

TW: eating disorders, depression, suicidal thoughts.

It's been 2 days since I lashed out at my brothers; yet again.

I spent all of Saturday in my bedroom, not eating, not drinking, not doing anything.

Just lying in my bed, feeling empty and broken.

Occasional waves of guilt washes over me at times, telling me to go apologise to them; or at least get out of bed.

But actually, in my mind the longer I stay in here, the skinnier and prettier I get. That's just how it works in my head.

And no, they mustn't see me, or I mustn't apologise to them until I'm the perfect sister, then they will forgive me and maybe love me again..?

On Sunday I dragged myself out of bed at 12 pm.

None of my brothers came to my door, asking if I wanted anything; or to even ask if I want anything.

It's now Monday morning.

I should be up.

My hair should be done.

My makeup should be on.

I should be having breakfast.

I should be listening to my brothers talk about their upcoming work day and schedules.

I should be laughing.

I should be happy.

I shouldn't be feeling that no one loves me.

I should be wanting to stay here.

I should be wanting to be alive.

I should be thankful I'm alive.

A notification sounds breaks me out of my trance as I look to my phone on my beside table, groaning,
I pick it up and look at the message.

—————————————————————————
Alexander

Boys are leaving soon without you, so Elliot's going to take you into school. Me and Rafe are now leaving. Make sure to eat breakfast. -A

Bonnie

ok

—————————————————————————

This is it. This is the moment I fully realise I've fucked up. Majorly fucked everything up.

If I don't have my brothers anymore, I don't have anyone.

What's life if there's no one that loves you, or no one to love? What's the point?

A silent tear slips down my cheek, I grown as I pull my bed sheets away from my body and stand up.