𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐑𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐞𝐩

tarnished

hi lovelies! Just a short one, I wanted to get this out so you'd have something to read... maybe another chap tmrw? Enjoy reading !!
TW

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My breathing ragged and body aching, I feel my leg bounce uncontrollably as I sit on the bench in the changing room.

Shallowly, my chest rises and falls, as I try to calm myself down. I flick the hairband against my wrist- the sharp, familiar sensation acting as a distraction from the impending interrogation.

"Great practice out there today guys! The games on Friday, remember get here 30 minutes before kick off. Red lipstick, our home cheer outfit and bows in! Have a nice evening girls" a voice shouts from the top end of the changing room. Anna, the cheer captain smiles and waves, before stepping down from the bench and resumes her conversation.

I watch as her smile lights up the room. Her hair falls perfectly down her back, and her makeup glowy and perfect. She doesn't look as if she has just done an hour and half cheer practice.

Life's not fair.

I chuckle dryly to myself, tuning out the conversation happening over me. The few sophomores, trying to include me in their chat.

I pull myself up, using every ounce of energy I have left. Black spots cloud my vision as my ears ring, I grab onto the bar in attempts to stabilise myself.

"Are you okay? You don't look well Bonnie" someone says to the left of me.

"Mhm. Yup" I say dryly.  "Got up way too fast" , walking away before any further questions are asked.

Heading into the sink area, I splash my face with water.  I stare back into the mirror- frowning as I see the hollow reflection. My familiar features now worn by exhaustion, once alive eyes now dimmed by a weight I can't place.

As if the girl I used to be has faded, into someone I no longer recognise.

Changing back into my sneakers, I tug down my shorts and pull on my oversized hoodie, covering my disgusting body. I don't bother wiping the smudged mascara, or fixing my tangled, messy bun. Slinging my rucksack on, I hurry a few gulps of water before gripping the bottle and dragging my heavy body towards the door.

As I pass Anna and her friends, I force out a high-five, pairing it with the all-too-familiar, well-rehearsed fake smile.

My heart palpitating, I struggle to gather enough courage to pull open the door- knowing who was waiting for answers on the other side.

The gnawing weight in my chest tightens, this disease-like monster clawing its way up my throat. The pit in my stomach only widens more stretching into something bottomless.

My mind whirs, scrambling for excuses, rather lies, but none of them feel solid. How do I convince Theo that it was nothing to worry about, or to tell my other brothers?

It's hopeless.

I'm hopeless.

The anxiety is suffocating, sinking its teeth into me as I look down at my hand, subconsciously flicking the hairband.

I smile at the sweet sting of pain, unable to feel it.

My eyes stay fixated on the floor, locked onto my dirty sneakers as I make my way down the hallway. I know my brothers are waiting- the twins and Theo- yet, my stomach is still in knots.

Stupidly, I let the moment get the best of me this morning. I stormed out without thinking, without a plan, just running on a fucking impulse. And now here I am, dreading what's coming, knowing I've only gone and made things even worse.