"Still Just A Screw Up, Carver" - Eddie Munson & Y/N Sequel

TWELVE ~ Don't Speak

It seemed like a step too far by making the journey all the way out to the lake for the sake of peace and solitude but this place was my last hope for sanity and salvation; if I couldn't come out of this strong enough to face my life back in Hawkins then at least I'd regained enough control to find peace in the end. It was weird being here without Eddie, everyday he'd normally harass me into hiking to the bluebell field on the other side of the lake with the promise we'd go via the diner near the forest line for coffee and breakfast... but he wasn't here, I was alone. Instead I woke up each morning thinking about baby Munson and what they might have been like if it weren't for what I'd done. Would they have Eddie's eyes like Arwen or mine like JJ? Would they have his hair that was completely untameable but still the softest to run my fingers through? Would they have that little crop of feckless across their nose in the summer, like Eddie? Would it have been a boy or a girl? And would they have been happy and know just how loved they are every single day? I felt so empty, so incomplete. Like a piece if my soul had been torn away and I had nothing to fill the space, I had nothing to remember them by but an IV scar and the cripplingly painful memories of these last few weeks.

As dusk drew in on my third day of solitude, the air turned colder with a bitterness to it which only amplified the misery and loneliness I'd been feeling whenever the nights drew in. The blankets in the back of van smelled like mothballs and each of them had their own aroma of mustiness and mildew but they were warm and stashed beneath them was Eddie's old lunch tin that was excellently stocked with some of our 'old favourites' from kidless camping trips past. Finding my usual comfort spot on the bank beside the lake, wrapped in an unholy amount of dusty blankets from the van, I rolled a nightcap and sat in the thought provoking silence of the forest as I stared off into water. Tonight was eerily different than the others, instead of becoming engulfed and consumed by the gut wrenching thoughts of the lost baby Munson, I thought instead of my kids and Eddie and how much I missed them. I wondered if they missed me too or if they were looking for me. I didn't feel any stronger than when I left, but I'd wondered if the strength I needed wasn't something I was going to find in solitude but instead in the warmth of my family. Sure, it wound be hard to face everyone again after what happened but that's what moving forward is about I guess.

The warm tears began to well in my eyes until they quietly tumbled down my cheeks, it wasn't a total sadness this time, it was the longing for my family that was moving me to tears. I missed the kids noise and chaos in these quiet moments and I missed Eddie so much I swore I could hear his voice as I sat cocooned at the lakeside, lost in the best weed I'd had since before JJ was born. "This seat taken?" I must have finally gone mad from the loneliness or I'd rotted my brain with the decade old weed from the rusty old lunch tin, Eddie's voice sounded so lucid and real! On a desperate whim I looked beside me to see a very muddy pair of military boots and as I glanced up I couldn't believe my tear filled eyes; it was Eddie.
"Free country..." I exhaled as I turned my gaze back to the still waters, passing the joint toward him as he sat in the dampened grass beside me. I braced myself for the onslaught of questions and worries but he just sat in silence as he smoked, wrapping his arm around my quilted back. I leaned into his side, resting my head on his shoulder as we passed the smoke back and forth, everything suddenly feeling like the old days again. I knew I'd have to face up to running away soon enough, but I never wanted this moment to end.

As the darkened dusk turned to night, I felt the light patter of raindrops on my nose causing me to jolt from the sudden cold sensation. Without a single exchange of words, Eddie stood to his feet and offered me his hand before walking us through the darkness toward the van, taking the keys from my icy hands and unlocking it and helping me inside. The van might have been a little dryer and far warmer, but it lacked the serene view of the lake that distracted us from the impending conversation that evidently neither of us wanted to start. The van was silent as we sat on opposing sides, the only sound to be heard was the chattering of my teeth as my body struggled to find warmth quicker. I pulled my knees to my chest and clutched at the blankets as I tired to silence the clattering of my teeth but Eddie could see the colour chance in my lips, softly chuckling through his nose before crawling across the van beside me and pulling me into his warm chest. During the summer months I hated how natural warm Eddie was, it was like sleeping next to a snoring furnace no matter how naked he slept or how little covers we'd use but right now I'd never been so thankful for my own personal storage heater.