Still Flowers For You [SeungJin]

Chapter 21

A/N: Important: Please don'ttake the therapy sessions as actual therapy sessions. I tried to be realisticbut if you're experiencing anything like these emotions,seek actual professional help.

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Once home, the others had gone to Felix's dorm after he bribed the others with brownies (and it served to make peace with the sulky being known to most as Jisung thankfully), the first thing that Hyunjin did was kiss Seungmin sweetly because he could especially under the guise of trying to mellow the punishment. Really; he wasn't scared.

Seungmin seemed so loving, so cheerful and on board with sweet, slow kissing.

He was planning something for sure.

But he didn't find out that night. The other just told him to sleep while Hyunjin sulked. He wanted to be punished now.

Huh...the other could be especially devious. Was he punishing him by not punishing him?

As it turned out, he was punishing him by making him wait. Something that Hyunjin sucked at more than sucking (he was great at that actually).

Still, at least he could be happy about Seungmin sleeping right next to him.

Hyunjin dreams and unfortunately, he remembers most of it even though it was hazy and foggy like there was a filter on top of what was happening. Through the dream he knew he was looking for something but he can't remember what if he ever knew in the first place. He'd kept expecting that when that thing will show up he'll know for sure but he woke up feeling severely dissatisfied and scared. His feelings were all over the place and he didn't manage to sort them out by the time that Seungmin woke up.

All he could theories is that somehow, meeting her made it even more real. And her being so sweet made him feel like an asshole because while he kept pushing Seungmin to try, he kept clinging on himself. I mean here he was, happy that Seungmin was sleeping peacefully next to him not her. It wasn't even the sex; plenty of couples had arrangements to have sex outside of their relationship but what Seungmin and him had was an emotional closeness that was difficult to replicate and achieve. Was it even fair to her?

When Seungmin got up, he kissed his cheek. That both helped and hindered and when he whispered "Ready for your punishment baby?" right in his ear, he knew that he couldn't. He wasn't in the right headspace. They should never engage when distressed about their own relationship or anything in general unless the play (sexual or otherwise) was a good and healthy distraction. They had promised each other that and Hyunjin, while disappointed and embarrassed, didn't hold back from expressing himself.

"Actually, I'm sorry. But I'm not feeling good. Can we postpone please?" he asked with a small voice.

Seungmin leaned back and really stared at him. It has happened before but it was rare. Hyunjin wasn't one to beg to postpone punishments; rather he usually begged for them. This wasn't the case of the boy that cried wolf and wasn't believed; Seungmin immediately knew that something was off. "Are you still sick?" he asked, clearly worried and that made Hyunjin feel worse. Why, he wasn't sure. Maybe he didn't think he deserved it or he thought that he was ruining Seungmin's chance at happiness with his selfishness or maybe it was another reason altogether. His head and his feelings were all over the place now more than ever.

"I'm not. Physically I'm okay. I just feel sad."

Seungmin kissed his cheek for longer.

"Okay. Self-care day?"

Hyunjin nodded. They still had work but he'll try to do a personalised self-care routine as fully as possible.

"Thank you for telling me. I'm honoured you trust me with the truth. I'm here for you, okay?"