My Hero Academia: Fallen Angel (Hawks Love Story)

I Give Up

•Bad Romance - Lady Gaga•
•Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes•

I was sitting on my bed, my head on my knees as I hugged my legs close to me. I stared despondently at the foot of my bed as I thought back on my options and what happened these past few days. I was still on the fence on what I should do, if I should continue fighting with the villains or if I should just leave and start a new life for myself. So, these past few days, I had tried bonding more with the other League members.

On the first day, I had gone to Compress and Spinner. I helped them with anything they needed upon their request, but when I tried talking to them about anything, they brushed me off, telling me I needed to focus on the job for when the Front attacks the country.

The next day, I had gone looking for Twice, but found him studying with Hawks. I didn't want to be near Hawks, feeling uncomfortable around him with how indecisive I'm being, so I left Twice alone. I had a run in with Re-Destro, Hanabata and Skeptic afterwards, the two underlings sensing something wrong with me and looking at me with suspicion while Re-Destro hid his reaction from me. He had greeted me, and when I greeted him and his underlings in return, he asked what I was doing. I told him I was just wandering around, checking to see who needed help, and he nodded in understanding. He said I should check in with the other lieutenants since the three of them didn't need my help, and I thanked him for his advice before walking away. I didn't follow through with it, but at night I had contacted Doctor to see how Nīsan was doing. He told me Nīsan had responded well with the treatments, and was in the most crucial stage. He's going to be in a pod for the next few months to complete the final stages, but if something or someone interferes, Nīsan will die, and all our efforts would have been wasted. I hung up that night feeling like shit, crying myself to sleep because I knew Nīsan might die when the heroes intervene soon.

The next day, which was yesterday, I had gone to Toga. I asked if we could talk in private, and she cheerfully agreed before taking me to her room. Once we were sat on her bed, she asked me what was wrong. I confessed that I wasn't sure if what we were going to do was right. I knew we were villains -- I knew what we've done will result in us going to jail or being killed. However, I told her that my dreams for the future is to create a world where children could grow up healthy and happy. I reminded her of all of our pasts, how shitty we were treated growing up, and all I want is to change the adults' perspective so children won't suffer like we did. I asked her, basically demanded to her as I was close to crying, how I was supposed to achieve that dream when we're going to kill so many innocents. Children, family, friends. I cried in Toga's arms, telling her that I loved the League, I loved Nīsan, but I don't know if I could go through with the plan. She comforted me like a sister would, making me cry more, and she told me I've been acting tough for too long and I should just let it out. I did. I don't know how long I cried, but once I calmed down, Toga handed me some tissues before speaking. She told me honestly that she doesn't really feel the same way I do, that she's pretty sure the others don't either, and my dreams sound like something a hero should dream about. She said that we've all come too far to turn back now, and that their dreams were so close to coming true. Toga then glared at me, hurt and sadness in her eyes as she told me that if I won't fight with them, then I should either stand back or die. She then got up and left me on her bed, feeling even more like shit than I did before.

After trying to shove it all down, I left her room and trudged to mine, but ran into Dabi. He looked at my face in indifference, questioning why I look like shit. I couldn't help but brokenly chuckle at that, rubbing my eyes as I realized he's really the only one to get a laugh out of me since before we took over the Liberation Army. I told him I'm just having a bad day, and he asked if it's because I'm getting separation anxiety from Nīsan, and I gave him a more heartfelt laugh at that. I told him you could say that, and he hummed before motioning me to follow him. I became confused, but did so, following him to his room. We went inside, and I began to panic in embarrassment as he took off his jacket and shirt. I waved my hands at him, demanding loudly what he was doing. He was bent slightly over from taking his shirt off, the clothing bundled in his hands, and he smirked as he told me to calm down and get my head out of the gutter. Dabi tossed his shirt aside with his jacket before sitting on his bed, telling me that he figured he could distract me by having me fix the staples on his body. I paused and quietly agreed to help him, though my face was still flushed while my heart raced from the thoughts and possibilities rushing through my mind. Dabi pointed to his dresser where his fresh staples were, and I retrieved them before going to him. I replaced all the ones on his arms and the front of his torso, and he turned around so I could do his back. As I replaced the staples, his left shoulder started bleeding. He told me not to worry about it, but I wiped the blood away before pausing, then kissed the spot where the blood was. He had tensed up, glancing at me with a warning look as he told me to stop. I gently ran my hands over his scarred flesh, telling him that I don't care how he looks. I looked in his eyes and told him that all this time, I liked him, but I wasn't sure if his flirts and teasing were genuine or not. Dabi shrugged me off and got off the bed, and I made the mistake of calling him Touya, going to plead with him not to push me away. He whirled on me, yelling at me not to call him that, and I didn't understand anything. Dabi laughed as he ran a hand through his hair, asking if I really wanted to know what he thought of me and the rest of the League. He told me he doesn't actually care about us, that he never did from the start. The only one he really considered useful was Twice, that he would be able to make Dabi's dream come true. At that point, I was close to crying again. I asked him was everything the two of us said and did together fake, and he agreed. He spread his arms out and told me he had to keep up appearances, then chuckled as he lowered his arms. Dabi reminded me that I was capable of reading people's shadows and see their true intentions. He asked me in all the times he's been around, if I ever saw in his shadow that he had prioritized anything else over his dream. I cried as I told him no, and he chuckled as he told me how naive I was to actually fall for him. Dabi then waved me off, telling me to leave, and that he could finish replacing the rest of the staples himself. I stumbled out of his room, then ran to mine.