No offence intended. This is meant to be tongue-in-cheek, and it is my observations. If you're offended, then we know which mum type you are! If it doesn't offend you, welcome my spirit animal! Let us giggle and be a bit judgemental in a safe space!
The mum clique types
Heather: The immaculate One. Perfect hair, makeup, french acrylic nails, designer footwear, always holding their phone and car keys. Surrounded by mums. Is the alpha female.
Stacey: Always smiling. She laughs and talks very loudly. She wants everyone to know she is there. She is Heather's second in command. Wears the same thing as Heather. Really wishes she was Heather, but she never will be, as she can't get her shit together!
Jennifer: The Boho chic one. Quiet but participates when needed too. She minds her business and doesn't get involved with school gate politics or gossip.
Rebecca: Knows everything that's going on. Friendly with the teachers. She desperately wants to impress Heather. She tries hard To dress like Heather but fails.
Bella: She is the reserved one. Barely speaks. Dress for comfort, not fashion. It's not hitting the runway in Paris. She observes everything around her. Misses Nothing.
Michelle: The one that is always running late has a few younger children in tow. She always forgets something. Say hello to everyone. Friendly enough but scatty-brained.
There are the foreign beauties. I call them the Ivana's. They are exotic and beautiful and speak a language I don't understand. They all look like they have stepped out of the pages of Vogue.
Oh, this is a mind field. I didn't think it was going to be all ' Bad Moms' You know, the scene where Amy ( Mila Kunis) goes all badass on Christina Applegate and her clique at the PTA meeting. Yeah, just like that! I'm fortunate enough that my best friend Leanne, her son, got accepted into the same school as Ro. So at least I knew one mum. Leanne and I met at my day job. She started as a Christmas temp. She was contracted to work nights, and I used to do overtime on nights for extra money to buy gifts. We hit it off straight away.
Anyway, I was lucky to know Leanne because, I'm not originally from Boston. I don't know that many people. And my accent makes me stick out like a sore thumb. It's never really bothered me; I can hold my own. I don't want it to affect Ro at all. People can be a bit Judgy- especially in a small town, where everyone grew up together or knows each other. In seven degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon way. You are given a wide birth at times. Not everyone, just a select few.
Leanne introduced me to a few of the mums. They are lovely. Cindy and Sophie have two boys, and they all play together during break times. Cona lives the next street from where I live, and her son is in Roman's class. Ro gets excited if they are ahead of us on the school run; he shouts, " mummy Bentley is there!" These women are lovely, kind and down to earth. I class them as my friends, and I am fortunate. Cona and I often walk to the school for pick-ups. I enjoy our walks, and I try and learn useless facts to entertain us on our walks. I'm a big fan of podcasts, particularly a podcast called Dark Histories ( shout out to Bailey Sarian- Girl! you are fantastic). It's highly entertaining for us both. Leanna and Cona are the women you want to be friends with. They are good, loyal and supportive. They have championed my dreams. They are 100% behind my writing dream.
Some mothers don't even look at or acknowledge you when you say hello or good morning—the mothers who rock the designer footwear, and trendy clothes, with the perfect hair and make-up. I smile and say good morning anyway. Kill them with kindness, as my Gran used to communicate. A small part of me is jealous as I'd love to be that put together on the school run. I don't have the time; I also don't see the point as I'm going to work, then the gym after. If you spoke to the Emma of ten years ago, she would have laughed at you and said no, I'd never leave the house without being contoured to perfection! I cleanse and moisturise my skin. That's as much as I can squeeze in. I probably could get glam, but I like to have a coffee in the quiet before the hectic day begins. I prefer that for my sanity.
There are the mums who rock up in pyjamas. Luckily for the other mums at the school and me. The mums have more about them and more style than to show up like that. You may think I'm exaggerating, but I can assure you I'm not. I've seen it with my own eyes. Local schools have even sent letters home asking for it to cease. When I was pregnant, my midwife's office was in the back of a school. I had to wait in the school reception area—the sights I saw. Many women were in pyjamas; I smelt cannabis, and there was also drinking. Poorly hidden tins in brown paper bags. I'm all for day drinking, just not at nine o'clock on a Tuesday morning at the gates of my child's school. I'm more of a bar/pub-drinking Rose or a pron star martini kind of woman. I decided there that my child was not going to that school. I'd home-school him if nessaccary. It can be daunting—the school run. But if you are lucky like I am, you'll make friends with the other mums, and they will also be your child's cheerleader as well as yours. They will have your back and help you in any way they can.
Leanne, Cona, Cindy and Sophie. Thank you. I've got your back as you've got mine. I'll be forever grateful for our friendship.
YOU ARE READING
Pass me the coffee or wine!
ComédieA very real portrayal of being a working mother and wife, the trials and tribulations, the hilarious day to day. If your easily offended this may not be for you, I write how I speak and say things. Just imagine a thick, broad Yorkshire accent. I swe...
