The World is Ugly (MCR Fanfiction)

1. Do You Remember?

Do you remember when you were a kid and everyday you would wake up excited, and ready for a new day? Do you remember when you didn't dread waking up in the morning because you didn't know how awful the world truly was? I don't. I've been like this for so long I can't remember what it truly feels to be happy about life. I'm talking about depression if you didn't already figure that out. I missed the times when I was younger. When I would hangout with my brother and his friends. Before BL/ind had total control over everything. Now here I am waking up in a makeshift tent day after day. It just goes to show you that nothing lasts. Don't get me wrong I love the killjoy lifestyle but I miss my brother. He's not dead, just gone. Its been 5 years and the memory is still crystal clear,almost like it was burned into my mind. Now I'm 15 turning 16 and it hurts like a bitch every single day.

*Flashback*

I don't know if I'm ready to do this. I was about to come out to my brother and his friends -We all lived together because none of us had any parents. They were taken by the dracs when BL/ind first came around- and I was shaking so much. It was like Party gave me some of his coffee. I had always dreamed of being a killjoy but my brother said it was too risky. I gave them all killjoy nicknames so we could pretend like we were killjoys.My name was Cyanide, and My brother's was Fun Ghoul. His friends were Party Posion, Jet-Star, and Kobra Kid. We were all family and I trusted them with my life. I knew they would except me but I was still scared.

Party was starting a campfire. We lived just on the outskirts of Battery City so we could have fires but we just had to be careful. Party has always had a fascination with fire. He would just sit there and watch the logs burn and turn into ashes. We all gathered around to keep warm. It got really cold in the desert at night but during the day it got super hot.

I had really long, wavy blonde hair. I got my looks from my mom while Ghoul got his from our dad. The only thing similar about us was our eye color. we both had dark hazel eyes. My hair was blowing in the wind and i had to keep pushing it out of my face.

I think I was finally ready to tell them. I had waited a couple months just to be sure I wasn't confused or something, But no. I was gay.

"I have something I need to tell you guys." I blurted out.

Everyone turned to face me and I thought I was gonna pass out. My heart felt like it was gonna burst out of my chest. My hands were sweating so much that if I tried to pick anything up I was sure it would slip right out of my hands.

"What is it?" My brother said trying to smile to make me feel better, but it was not working.

"Um well...I-I-I" I paused. "I'm a lesbian."

Everyone's expressions changed from content to shocked in a matter of seconds. Party stopped poking the fire and just started to stare. Everything was silent.This is not how I thought they'd react. Silence was not agood sign for them. They were never quiet.

"What?" Ghoul said softly trying to hide his emotions, which wasn't working.

"I'm a lesbian." I said with more confidence.

"No you're not. You're probably confused." Party said resuming poking at the fire. His speak was a little different but I couldn't put my finger on it.

My heart fell into my stomach and it was being dissolved into my stomach acid, or at least that's what it felt like. Party and I were super close. He was like a second brother to me and I thought he wouldn't react like this.

"No I'm sure. I waited a while to tell you guys just to be sure." I said

Party's jaw tightened as he stood up. Ghoul looked like he was about to say something but stopped himself.