Traumatised Tim

Eilogue

He was frustrated with everything. The pack he had brought together for Tim was going perfectly; they got on, and they were building a bloody fortress by the waterfall. Ray, Lebon and Aliysha (in his mutated form), where rebuilding the safe house and adding underground links to and from the waterfall. They ate dinner together every night and Tim was even building that garage business up while trying to attend to the needs of his pack and his mate and his family. Christopher was fighting fit – well he was walking with crutches and he had finally forgiven Tim. It would take a while for him to trust Tim as inexplicably as he used to as a child but that was to be expected, Tim was just glad that Christopher was filling him in about all the years they had lost out on and would eat dinner alongside of him. But for Tommy he was frustrated because his happy ending wasn’t as simple.

                It had been hard enough to acknowledge to himself that he was gay. He didn’t want to tell his pack mates in case they thought worse of him, turns out they didn’t but they were surprised. He could deal with that, he could deal with the label but what he couldn’t deal with was that he lost the one person he loved. He had spent ages convincing ‘Natalia’ to go into safety while Myco was fighting and he had only done that to please Myco. He loved him and he wasn’t around anymore. It felt as if the trouble he had gone to meant nothing. Even thought he had saved a woman’s life, it still didn’t seem enough. It felt as if a piece was missing from inside of him.

                He looked around at the happy people, the merging packs and the many toasts in the name of peace amongst each other’s protection and security. And he couldn’t join in; it was as if he didn’t belong in the happiness. So he had decided to leave for a while, to go and get his head in gear again then return all positive and quirky as he used to be.

“You know you walk a little crouched, do you have a medical condition?”

“Do you want a medical condition? I can give you one if you ask a question like that again!” Tommy replied angrily.

                He turned around to the rude person who was analysing his ‘gait’ as he liked to call it.

“Wow, wow I didn’t mean any offense. Were you hurt in the fighting? I noticed you didn’t come by to any of the doctors to be checked out afterwards.”

“I don’t need a doctor.”

“Let me make sure.”

                He hadn’t fully looked at the man before but he was now; who on earth was being as forward as this.

“I mean I couldn’t help but notice you around camp, and you always disappear, I lose track of you a lot but I know you didn’t come to the medical tents to be seen.”

“Who are you?”

“My name is Andrai, I’m a doctor.”

                Tommy looked at him and then he felt… different. It was as if he needed to go over there and let the doctor check him over. Hell that sounded really good… but he was grieving! He was upset; he felt loss at the thought of Myco. So why was this new feeling sliding up alongside the grief and slowly trying to overtake it? Well, maybe push it away somehow but not take it away. It was trying to cohabit with the grief, this new, strange, feeling.

“I don’t care who you are I don’t need anyone now leave me alone.”

“Please I’m worried about you.”

“Why?”

                Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it. The same three words rang in his head while he closed his eyes and had his back to the new stranger.

“Grief is hard, I know it is, but you do get through it. You really do need your arm seeing to, I know you’re injured there at the very least. Just let me help you, let me be a doctor and then you can do what you want and I won’t get in the way.”

                Tommy didn’t understand, he wanted to turn around and take the man up on his offer but it felt like a betrayal to Myco. “Come on, let me take the physical pain away even if I can’t take the emotional pain away.” This strange man was still chatting on! But that was the problem because Tommy felt caught up in headlights; the guy was taking the emotional pain. At least, he was dulling it a little.

“We’ll take it as slow as you want Tommy, you can’t deny what we are to each other, you know you can’t. So I’ll let you grieve as long as you need but I need to take care of you. Come to me Tommy.”

                He had no choice, the voice was calling him and he walked over to the strange man who wrapped his arm around him and held him tightly; held him dearly and took away the cold that had settled into his bones when the grief came. He couldn’t understand why now, why the bad timing but as he felt slowly warmer and safer and not as alone, he started to think that maybe this was the perfect time.

“Andrai, you’re my mate.”

The end