Can't Let Him Go||L.S.

Ending #1-Jay&Family

Dear Tomlinson family,

In this note, I have a section for each of you, whether you want to read it as a family or take turns is up to you.

Jay, 

Thank you for raising the best man in the whole world. Louis was my everything, he helped me through the roughest times in life, and losing him set me back so much. With Louis, it was like a breath of fresh air, like everything going on around me was easier and more bearable, but now that he's gone it's so hard. I forgot how to function, how to live, how to breathe and it kills me every second I'm alive and he's gone. I'm sorry if this sets you back and if you get mad at me, I get it. But Jay, I'm finally free, free from the pain and worry. I'm with Louis, I just know that's exactly where I'm going. Even though no one really knows what happens after death, I want you to think of Louis and me back together, happy. You may think I was selfish to have done it, but it's the solution I came down to. Not a day went by that I didn't think about you, about the pain you must've felt and I feel so guilty because that was your son, and now I'm causing you to lose your son-in-law too. Can you do me a favor? Stay in contact with mom, she'll need someone to talk to, and who's better than you to do so with eh?  I love you, stay strong, if not for you then for the kids, for me. 

Mark, 

Thank you for taking Louis in as your own when he needed it the most when all of them needed a father to stick by their side and raise them. I respect you with everything I have because you stepped in and helped Jay with her kids, you made your kids feel loved. You know, Louis envied you from day one, he would on and on about how he hoped he would be just like you are, ever since we were young, and the moment I met you, I knew why. You lived up to every word Louis has said about you plus some. I trust in you to help Jay again, help her push through this too, I didn't mean to hurt her by doing this, I didn't mean to hurt any of you. I love you guys so much. Make everyone gets out of bed in the morning, and push them to feel better like you did with Louis' passing. They need you and I know you don't particularly like showing your emotions in front of others but don't close people out. Please. 

Lottie, 

I know you've been going through so much pain lately, so much on your mind with your brother's passing and I'm sorry that I swooped in just to cause more in the end. Your brother always talked about you guys, talking about how lovely you are, how you were always there for him growing up, that earned my respect for you and that has never died down. When I met you, I knew we would become close, knew we would hit it off just like Louis rambled on about, and we did. Then your brother passed and I pulled away, all in the same time bracket and I'm sorry that it hurt you so much. The boys told me it got worse over there and that every time they came to visit, you would ask about me but I wasn't there. I couldn't be there, physically or mentally. Mentally, I couldn't handle it and physically, I couldn't get out of bed, I still struggle with it to this day. Lottie, what I did wasn't to hurt anyone, it wasn't to make people upset or pity me, I was doing it because that's the only thing I could do. Same with what I'm going to do, I'm doing it because I want this pain to leave, I need to be with Louis again. I love you Lotts, and as the oldest of you six, please promise me you'll take care of yourself and your siblings, watch over your mother and help your dad. They can't deal with losing another person, another child, or a sibling. You'll be okay, I believe in you. 

Fizz, 

I know we never became close and I regret that but I always felt close to you. You were a mystery and always on guard, especially when I first started to come around, which I completely understood. You are the protector of the family, the hard-shelled girl that always wants to keep your family safe, no matter if they are younger or older than you. Even though we weren't close, I loved you just as much as the rest of them, I felt like I knew you because of Louis' stories. As you know, Louis was a protector too, family, friends, and even strangers on the street but he always talked about how when someone gets to know you, you were the softest, loveable person you would need in your life. I knew he was right when I met you, although you were sassy and stand-offish, I saw it in you that it was only because you needed to protect everyone around you. I envy that. I hope you don't hate me for hurting your family once more, I just needed to go. I love you Fizz, never change. Take care of your family for me, for Lou. 

Phoebe and Daisy, 

Guys, when I met you, you guys were only 5 years old, the cutest things I've ever seen. You two have grown into such strong women and I'm so proud of you guys, I'm so happy that I was able to see that happen. When I first met you two, my heart melted as you latched onto my legs, hugging tightly because you wanted to greet a new person. When Louis would mess around with you guys, tickle you until you were pleading, I was always sitting to the side, watching in adoration because Louis adored you two so much, loved having you laugh, and loved to be the reason you two were laughing. Louis helped raise you two and would never want to stop talking about how lovely you grew up to be, how proud he was that you guys never let anything get you down, that you were by each other's side 24/7, even wanting to go into the same career once you started talking about what you wanted in the future. I love you both so much, make sure you stay next to each other and be there no matter what life throws your way, do what you love and when you think about Louis or Me, think of the good memories, think of me and Louis together now because that's what's comforting me as I write this. 

Tell Ernest and Doris how much I adore them, how much I wished Louis and I could've been around longer to watch them grow. The moment we got the call that Jay was going to have another set of twins, he broke down crying. He was crying because he was so happy to be getting more siblings and knowing that one was a boy broke him even more because he would talk about how he wanted to be the one Ernest wanted to be like. Of course, he never had a favorite but he was so excited. As the twins grow up, please tell them and remind them everything about Louis, how perfect and happy he was. When he first held them, he went ecstatic, with tears falling down his cheeks, stars in his eyes, and love written all over his face. I would get it if you decide not to talk about me to them but please make sure they don't forget their Brother. How loving and brave he was. I love them so much, thank you for letting me watch them grow as much as I did. Even though I wasn't there in person anymore after Louis passed, I watched them grow through pictures, through the boys, and the stories they had to tell. 

Louis was such a family man it was so amazing to watch him interact with every last one of you because I knew he was made for a Family. I was ready to start a family with him after I saw him and how he interacted with you guys. I saw how amazing of a father he truly would be and how loving he would be, putting all of his effort and time into watching over his family and keeping them safe. I love all of you so much, you are my family and I'm so thankful for every last one of you for showing me love back, and for accepting me into your family. 

Love, Harry